I woke up in my home, and everything seemed to be a normal day. My breakfast sat on my desk, my good Monday shorts were laid out in a non-wrinkly fashion, and I woke up without pants. Yes, my mother had remembered exactly how I had loved to live when I had left home eighteen days ago.
After gobbling down some Charmander O’s and pulling on my good underwear, I stared at my Pokeballs, wondering if I would have to make any adjustments to my team before I went to go crush Erika’s dreams of ever becoming an important member of society (she was just a woman, but I need to make sure that she never wants to have another job again, let alone get one!) I figured I was over thinking it, and went into the bathroom. I washed my face, and decided to scrap brushing my teeth (a real champion doesn’t need to do this!) and headed out the door.
I arrived at the Gym, Pokeball in hand and hat turned backwards. It was time to do this thing. The women of the gym looked at me as if I was the black plague. I was spit at, cussed out, and I think I got an Oddish thrown at me (sweet! Free Pokemon!) Letting loose Charmeleon, I decided to show I meant business. So I burned every bit of foliage in the Gym. I watched the ladies scream in terror, running out of the Gym to go get the fire brigade. I don’t see what I have done wrong! I just made the Gym look a little more… Festive.
Fire all around, I stared Erika down and her disgust radiated waves like my PokeDex does when it’s in telephone mode (I wonder if it’s linked to cancer.) She let her Tangela roam in the Gym and Charmeleon looked at it. It was mere ashes by the time Charmeleon was done with her. Out went Erika’s Vileplume. What did this woman think she was… Important (HAH! Women being important… That’s so funny I had to use incorrect grammar to describe it!)
Up in smoke it went! Although, my Charmeleon started to look very different. Vileplume must have gotten off a lucky bit of poison, because Charmeleon went down like a light. Not before he evolved though. I now have a giant freaking dragon (I think I will call it “Bruce”) at my disposal! A dragon who just so happened to be incapacitated… This was quite the pickle.
Finally, it was Onyx’s turn to destroy a woman. Erika let loose a Victreebell (that is the stupidest Pokemon I have ever seen. Seriously, it looks like a garbage can!) Onyx was severely tired (I’m figuring it gets cramped in those balls… He might have just woken up!) and fell over to the ground, creating a giant crater, leaving the bell underneath it. I figured that meant I won. Erika handed over her badge, muttering something about my species, but it does not matter… She can make me a Pot-Roast later, and all shall be forgiven…
Cyan Gitors
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