Purple, Day 39 : My arm huuuuuuuurts

I awoke in a small bed off to the side of Oak's lab. Oh man I hope he didn't touch my penis (although in hindsight I am totally okay if Blaine touched my penis, he is like a father to me (a father I wanna bang (ewww))). Oak walked in and told me he put my arm in a cast, and that I shouldn't bitch. Why is my arm in cast? Ow. Oh yeah its hurt. Stupid Oak, limiting how many pokemon I can hold. Well I better check 'em, if I got 'em.

Pokemon with me: Koff Koff the Weezing, Blue Screen the MissingNo., Missile the Pikachu, The Scrambler the Exeggutor, Garfunkel the Magmar, and Captain McFunRuiner AKA Steven Bradley the Slowkingbro.

Pokemon in the PC: Tubbo the Fat Guy the Snorlax, “Shitty Duck” the Farfetch'd, Girly the Hitmonchan, a dying Kangaskhan, and Kingacrual; My Prisoner of War the Tentacruel.

Well now this is going to be hard to keep track of! How am I supposed to know what pokemon I have if they are not rotting in a pile of pokeballs in my backpack! STUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuUUPID!

I told Oak to go fuck himself and I made a trot for the door. One of his Aides blocked the exit and I prepared myself for the imminent raping. It turned out he had mail for me! Oh boy, I love mail! He walked me out behind his lab (Oh Blaine, he is going to rape me!) and pointed to a block of cement that had “To Purple, Love Your Dad” carved into it. Also it had a tiny bit of blood on it (about a single fatal gunshots worth).

“What is it?”, I asked.

“A cement block, leave me alone.”, Said Oak.

Well it turns out my Dad's final gift to me was this cement block (my Mom told me my Dad died 4 years ago while “a freak getting milk accident and not from a gunshot while doing illegal stuff”). I promise to treat this block of cement with utmost care!

I wonder where I could find a hammer.... oh well THIS IS A TIME FOR ACTION! I whipped my injured arm out of the cast and started pounding away at the block. The pain was immense but I just had to destroy this precious keepsake from my dad. I knew it to be true from my blood. I hit it over and over and over until my arm was raw and bloody. I think my arm had gone from dislocated to broken. Funny what a few hours of allowing that primal urge to smash can do to ones limbs if preformed upon a cement block. I stepped back and allowed the pain to consume my very being, took a great breath, and focused all the power I had gathered in doing that into my arm, giving the block one final mighty strike! It shattered into a million pieces releasing a glorious light!

Naw, it didn't do shit. In fact, the block had taken no damage from any of my attacks and could be described as having “full health”. Well my arm is worse off than Koff Koff's arms (and he doesn't have any). I said fuck it and had The Scrambler stomp it.

The block was smooshed into dust, leaving only a luxuryball. The ball instantly opened and out flew a large green penis (or dragon, whatever you want to call it). The phallace flew up into the sky, never to be seen again.

That was totally worth breaking my arm over.

Catch You Later.

Purple Gitimall

Pink, Day 39: A song of ice and fire.

Hello, and welcome to the Pokémon Center!

The crash happened early in the morning.

Articuno really didn't like having me on his back, so for revenge, he swooped fast towards Cinnabar Island only to crash right into the Pokémon Gym.  I hurt all over but I had enough strength to kick the legendary Pokémon right in his personal area.

I was not amused.

I got up from the rubble and looked to see an elderly man staring back at me with an ominous expression on his face.  Blaine folded his arms and grimaced.  "What jurisdiction does a damn Nurse Joy have in a place like this?!  You are NOT welcome!  Now get lost and go back to your mutant people!"

A Magmar stood beside the Gym Leader, matching his master's pose and mood.

"It was like it when I got here.  You see... there was this... and... you're not buying anything I'm saying are you?"  I wasn't a Nurse Joy and this man obviously hated them.  I had to make him believe I wasn't one.  But how could I do that?

Chansey popped out of her ball.

Fuck you Chansey.

"I will allow you to enter during the day and pretend that I have no hate for your monstrous people, but at night, this is MY Gym and you break our rules by being here!  Now get out or face the wrath of my trainers and I!"

Blaine presented ten trainers, all accompanied by a fire Pokémon.  Each trainer glared at me as if I had committed murder on one of their Pokémon.  Did I look like Cyan?

I tried to explain who I was and showed him my Pokédex.

"Pink McQueen?  So you know Purple?  What is his last name?"

I replied.  "Gitimall and his favourite colour is Orange.  He also has Pokémon that break reality... and he wears Togepi briefs.  He has only one pair."

"Too much information.  But all right, answer me this: Why are you dressed like a Nurse Joy?"

"But I'm not."  I looked at my clothes and frowned.  I was wearing an apron and a dress of some sort.  When did I start wearing these?  I checked my bag for my other clothes and found nothing.  I was stuck with these.  But how did they make me a Nurse Joy?

"You're a strange one.  Ahh wait, I think I remember you now.  We fought a little while ago.  You disabled my Ponyta."  Blaine gestured to a Ponyta being pushed in a modified wheelchair by the Magmar.  The Ponyta's legs were all in bandages.  "Not even the Pokémon damn Center could fix my lovely Ponyta.  And the one Purple hurt..."  Another Ponyta was brought in on a stretcher by two Charizards.  The poor thing twitched and shook about.  It seemed a lot thinner and flatter than the one in the wheelchair.  What had Purple done?  "And the one a trainer called Cyan Gitors injured."  A third Ponyta also in a modified wheelchair wheeled itself in using its front hooves.  The Pokémon was covered in bandages but seemed angry enough that it could move about.  Pain or no.  "What is it with you people and destroying my Ponytas?  Seriously!"

"I'm sorry.  I will fix them right away.  I can help them..."  Why did I just say that?  Niceness, damn you.

"Oh, I see what is happening with you.  I see.  Well, there will be no more battles here for a while.  No more of my precious Ponytas are going to get hurt.  If you've come for a battle, then tough.  You can have your badge and you can get out of my Gym!"

Blaine walked up to me and stuck the Volcano Badge in my hand.  "Some advice.  Remember who you are and if you forget, hit yourself over the head with a brick.  I promise you it will help.  Rather be a dumb fool than a manipulated one."

Old people were senile.  Blaine was no exception.

Hope to see you again soon!

Nu-r-r-P-e Jo-e-e-u-y

Cyan, Day 39: I Have Been Served

I was slapped awake after a few hours in the bright lights of the Gym, but not in a room I recognized. I was on the floor and a man watched me, scowling at me from under a shadow. My brain screeched inside my skull. Either I was hung over (what‘s a hang over?), or I had hit my head (again.)

The man introduced himself as Giovanni (the REAL one, I’m guessing) and told me I would be the main course for his newest creature’s dinner. The lights blinded me and I could barely see a thing.

Suddenly, a beast in armor was dropped inside the room but he did not land. The thing just floated there. What kind of Pokemon was this!? I felt myself be lifted and a chokehold grab around my neck. What was this thing!? With a flick of it’s wrist, I went into the wall. My ribs were shattered and blood started to seep from my wounds. A doctor came on and gave me a thing of medication. It tasted awful and it read “FULL RESTORE”. They were giving me Pokemon drugs to keep me alive long enough to test this thing.

Realizing I could not win this battle, I ran towards Giovanni, screaming as I leaped in his direction, hoping to strangle the jerk who had just ruined my life. Almost reaching him, I saw his teeth and stopped as I flew back into the wall. My ribs were once again shattered as I began to slip from consciousness as the doctor came to heal me again. My ribs once again barely bandaged together from the Full Restore, I fell over again. I wished for death.

Giovanni walked from beyond the shadow, grinning like a maniac. I would have loved to head butt him right in his baby maker. Throwing my bag with all my stuff inside it, he told me I had earned the badge, and thanked me for taking care of his property whilst he was away. Nodding, doctors came and drugged me, possibly with more Para-Bos and took me away.

My memory is hazy. I could FEEL the colours. Smell the wind. TASTE THE RAINBOW…. I believe I was thrown in the back of a truck, barely alive. The two Grunts slammed the door and started giggling about something. I think they said that they were looking forward to driving an armored car into the water.

….

Wait, what was that about- Ohh…. There’s the drugs……..

Cyan Gitors

PS: How long can you live with a dislodged pelvis?

Purple, Day 37 and 38: Rockin' Registers Crobatman!

So it turns out this is Pewter City and not Pallet Town playing dress up again. I know this because I asked somebody what town this and they said it was Pewter City (and they refused to change their story even after integration/torture). I figured I should turn around and head back to Pallet Town but then I remembered what that Brock asshole told me about getting badge. I must get that badge! I think I need them or something!

I danced around the town until I found the Gym. I spun into the room and ordered Slowkingbro to Water Psychic Blast the entire Gym. He told me that wasn't an attack and that we were in the museum not the Gym. I told him he was no fun and got Koff Koff to toxic everywhere. On closer inspection, it turned out it really was a museum. Whoops.

Slinking away, I asked for directions to the Gym and some kid said he knew where it was. I lost control of my feet and the boy walked me to the Gym, told me good luck and took off like a Rapidash. Thank Blaine he uses his powers for good. I kicked the door in and challenged Flint to a battle! He yelled from the other side of the room that I would have to talk to him from a square that touched the square he stood in. I started to walk closer but THEN I WAS AMBUSHED THE MOTHERFUCKER GET DOWN, oh its just a pokemon trainer.

He claimed that I was “ten thousand light-years from facing Flint”, to which I responded “Nuh-UH!” and punched him in the face. I challenged Flint once more and this time he complied. He sent out a Geodude. It didn't feel very powerful but it may be a trap to lull me into a false sense of security. I sent out Garfunkel because fire beats rock. I know this because fire is really hot, which makes it super effective against EVERYTHING. The Geodude did the whole “fainting” thing after melting a little so I must be correct in my assumption. He then whipped out his Onyx and I figured shit was about to get serious, this thing looked tough. So I had Garfunkel use SUPER FIRE BLAST. It looked confused for a second, shrugged its shoulders and blasted the rock snake with its Fiery girth. I had won!

I stuck my hand out and demanded my badge. Flint gave me a puzzled look and said he couldn't give me one because I wasn't a registered pokemon trainer. Oh yeah, that's what I was doing. I told him to hold his ass and made my sprint for Pallet Town. As I was running through Viridian Forest some yellow thing jumped on my face and I was like, “ARCEUSBLAINEWHATDAFUCKINGFUCKHOLYSHIT” and jammed a pokeball in my face to capture the little face-hugger. When I escaped the forest I checked the pokeball. Turns out the little bastard was a Pikachu (Im gonna name it Missile!). I guess I overreacted, I should tone it down a little. So I put on my jet-pack and flew to Pallet Town.

I awoke with my pants gone in-front of Oak's Lab. I don't think that was a jet-pack at all. I walked into his lab and asked for him to register me. He handed me a pokedex, entered my name and some other information into the computer, and then had me give him a thumbprint. I put my thumb down and waited for it to take my DNA away from me. The computer clicked, saying that I was now registered. My entire being shook and then 4 pokeballs flew off my belt and out of my bag (dislocating my arm). Oak then informed me that I could only hold 6 pokemon. Blainedammit I should never have gotten registered.

Catch You Later.

Purple Gitimall

Cool Andrew ♂, Day 38: OH SHIT

OH FUCK

OH SHIT

THIS IS BAD

THIS IS VERY BAD

Let me calm down for a second and just explain this.  I poked off a bit harder than usual last night, and just came out of it a little while ago.  When I did, I realized that, well…

THERE IS A HUMAN HAND IN MY POCKET!  IT’S BLOODY, AND AWFUL, AND I DON’T LIKE THIS

Beyond that, it seems that did manage to find my way into Cerulean City.  So at least-

THIS IS MR. PSYCHIC’S HAND

OH FUCK

OH SHIT

NOT GOOD

NO GOOD HERE

I’M GOING TO DIE

Sincerely,

Cool Andrew ♂

Pink, Day 38: Flying.

Hello, and welcome to the Pokémon Center!

Dream Eater is sooo good sometimes!  Sure, my vision is now double and everything has a tint of orange but I didn't have to have any dreams last night!  No creepy Fool or whatever!

Presently, Articuno is learning how to fly.  The HM02 has been teaching him, "To fly, spread wings, support weight of passenger, fly.  Flap wings to keep aloft.  Fly."

Articuno looks as ready as he's going to be for flying.  With this in mind, I ran towards him, ready to leap onto its back...

Thud!

Missed.  Double vision happened.  I tried again and missed again.  I was sure this time it was Articuno that moved however.  It had to be.

I missed once more.  Tripped over my own foot.  Next, I fell over Articuno and landed onto the ground.  I wasn't pleased.

There would be no more BLOODY games!  I tossed out Dratini and told her to electrocute Articuno with a Thunderbolt move then quickly returned the dragon Pokémon to her ball.  Ice was strong against dragons for some stupid reason and Articuno was about ready to freeze her to death.

The bloody legendary wasn't happy but nor was I.  Quickly, I raced to his front, punched him in the face, smacked him over the head then hopped over onto his back.  The ice bird was angry but I was his master and I decided what he was going to do.  Fuming, I kicked the bird and ordered him to fly.

The bloody bird did but then threw me off.

--

It took about an hour of hitting Articuno to get him to obey, but eventually, the bloody legendary complied and now we're flying in the air.

Its bloody terrifying.

We're above the clouds and Articuno is spinning and shaking about, trying to get me off his back.  I held on with both hands and my teeth.  No way was this beast going to defy me anymore!  I was the boss!  He was the Pokémon!  A woman chooses, a Pokémon obeys!

Cinnabar is in sight now.

We hope to see you again soon!

Nurr-r-r-s-s-e-e-e-e P-i-uee-jo-y

Cyan, Day 38: I am Dying. I Think.

Night. Day. All irrelevant. I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep, but I’m going to guess it’s been at least a day. I awoke hooked up to a machine with many different needles in my arms. Wondering what had happened, I tried to lift my arm.

I’ve been restrained! With belts (hot)!

Staring up at the wall of my gym, many things went through my head. Were my minions okay? Was I dead? More importantly, was I alive!? I seriously do not know. The walls have been waving all day, and I’m starting to see images of Team Rocket members in the walls. They’re telling me I’ve pissed off Giovanni. I said that I was Giovanni and got punched hard in the stomach. I yelled that it felt good, it felt fantastic!

They burned me with some cigarettes and I screamed. I really wished that they would spit on me and call me a bitch. That‘s an odd thought… It’s the drugs.. Definitely the drugs. Anyways, I was being brutally beaten.

The Team Rocket Grunts injected more drugs into me, and I felt my head rush as my head went wavy in a hurry. My drool was dripping off my mouth (luckily from what I can tell none got on my jacket, so we’re all good there) and on to the floor as I flopped on the table like a fish.

From what I was seeing, I was being injected with liquefied Parasects mixed with Carbos. That or a pink Phanphy. Being unlatched from the table, my chest heaved as I started to seize. The Team Rocket member screamed at me to stop moving and punched me in my mouth.

Everything went black after that.

I awoke several hours later at sundown, on the couch I had used to watch my minions. Although, none of my usual company was there. My sleeves were rolled up and my jacket lay in a heap off to the corner, my hat hung from the wall over it. Seeing as how the tie I had been given was loosened, I looked to see all the needle marks in my arms. What happened!?

My arm had the word “UNCLEAN” plastered all over it in red marker (at least I hope that’s marker and not my blood…) My minions had been replaced with an army of Team Rocket members and the lights all focused to a message a top the door.

“Sleep. While you can, for you’ll be dead tomorrow…”

What did I do!?

Cyan Gitors (Dictated but not read)

Cool Andrew ♂, Day 37: All Flowers Have Thorns

Being locked inside so long really got me antsy.  On the plus side, I now know everything there is to know about Psychic pokémon.  Hurray. 

I tried to reach Violet several different times, but I never got a reply.  I’m beginning to get worried.  I even called the gym, yet nobody there has heard from her in days.

Something must be wrong. 

I told Mr. Psychic that I planned on leaving to go and see what had happened to her.  He frowned at this, and told me my debt had yet to be paid off.  I challenged him, saying I would do another job if he would just let me leave, but apparently I’ve racked up quite the debt from him.

I’ll figure this one out.  I just need time.

Pondering,

Cool Andrew ♂

Pink, Day 37: Weird.

Hello, and welcome to the Pokémon Center!

Well... I had another dream.  This one was a bit creepy and I have barely slept since.

--

"DING DONG!"

Fool was laughing madly while he ran around the hall, pointing at people and shouting that they were going to die in a few minutes.  He announced his plan had been successful..

Guards with Pokémon entered the hall and ordered Fool to stand still.  Fool just laughed.  "Who do you think you are with your white coats and your fancy blood?"

What had I done?  What monster had I brought into this place?  As soon as I met him, I was suspicious and wary but I didn't act upon my feelings.  I could have stopped him.  I should have.  Hastily, I released my Pokémon and told them to start helping injured people out of the hall.  Many of them couldn't be moved and most of those were who Fool had pointed at.  What was I supposed to do?

"DINNER'S SERVED!"

Fool threw out seven PokéJars and out came large creatures, the like I had never seen.  Quickly, they charged at the guards' Pokémon, ripping small Pokémon to shreds and damaging large Pokémon severely.  Not even a Blastoise could battle such tyrannical fiends.

While this horror happened, Fool brought out an Abra and it lifted Fool into the air using its abilities.  "I've marked the ones the Tyranitars will eat and the rest will face the explosions!"  Ten more PokéJars fell from his hands and each one sent out a Weezing.  Smokescreens smothered the air.  I could barely see to move.

A loud sound rang my ears to the point where I could only hear buzzing and I felt my body slam against a nearby wall.

Darkness followed.

--

A quick visit to the Pokémon Center allowed me to heal my Pokémon and get a drink of water.  The Nurse Joy was very nice to me and even gave me some food for my travels.  She said she will see me again soon to check on my progress.  What a nice----my mind feels a bit numb, I think it was the dream messing with my head.  I needed to ring Uncle Gio.  He could----and then I switched Growlithe for Ponyta.  Fluttershy immediately ran for the nearest corner.  Poor thing.  I presented Dratini for her to gain some confidence and upon leaving the Center, I got on the saddle and began my journey towards Celadon City.  My aim was to get back to Fuchsia City and surf back to Cinnabar Island for my seventh badge.  I really was catching up to Cyan now.

As I made my way out of Vermillion, I saw a large ship at the harbor near the Pokémon Gym.  A passing man told me it was called the S. S. Anne and would be sailing for a cruise in a few weeks.  I smiled and continued on my journey.  Perhaps I could go for a cruise after the Pokémon League was over.

Getting to Saffron was relatively easy and I saw that the city was finally starting to look like its old self.  To this day, I still don't know how it happened----wow, was I proud of Machamp for doing this.  I thought that maybe Machamp could come back here to do some more damage.  Just to annoy the authorities.  That would----and so I finally reached Celadon City.  I decided to walk the rest, giving Fluttershy some rest in her Pokéball.  Dratini too.  As I went, I tripped over a young girl splashing about in a puddle.  The girl kept saying.  "Magikarp, Magikarp, Magikarp!"  Kids really loved Pokémon.

Eventually, I got to the edge of Celadon and noticed an old man outside a house.  He came up to me looking rather disgruntled.  "Do you know what this is for?"

I saw in his hands a set of headphones accompanied by a CD player.  "It's for teaching Pokémon moves."

"A good reply.  I am relieved to hear you say that m'lady Joy.  Where are my manners?  I am Maechen, a scholar.  At your service, m'lady.  I am on a journey, discovering the history of our world.  It is an interesting place to be sure.  To explore it adequately and to see the real magic one has to take to the skies.  This HM02 will do that for you.  It is yours to teach to a Pokémon that can fly.  Now understandably, Pokémon can fly on their own but forcing them to carry a person is a very dark thing to do.  In my days, I have seen many trainers make their Pokémon lift them into the air.  Most Pokémon treated like that cannot survive for long, but with this, they can manage the task extremely well.  It gives them the necessary information to cope with such a challenge."

The old man smiled and gave me the HM02.  I took it and looked to my Pokémon.  Only Articuno was a Flying Type and he had been nothing but trouble.  He would do as he was told.

I left Maechen to go back to Celadon to stay the night while Articuno learned how to Fly.  Hopefully, I would make it in time to see my Uncle Gio.  I could feel my moods changing randomly.  At times, I was nice and others, I was myself.  Or was I?  Something was strange.

Hope to see you again soon.

Nurrrr-r-r-P-i-r-s-e-J-J McJ-ooooooooooy

Cyan, Day 37: I've Been Drugged!

So, I beat Purple. Then somebody put something in my drink and I’ve been out for the past two days.

Oh! Naptime!

Cyan Gitors

PS: Syringes held by gunmen don’t usually have good things in them, do they?

Purple, Day 36: So Many Trees...

So eventually Cyan's Dugtrio came up from underground and left my clothes in front of me, gave me one of those “What are you doing with your life, man?” looks, and then spat on me before going back into the Gym. Excellent way to start a day. I tossed my clothes on and begun my march back to Oak.

As I walked down the path, I noticed it was very different than it was before. It must be one of those new hightechy wibbly woobly Routes that the MAN has been trying to force on us. There are trees everywhere! Its like a forest! A forest by Viridian! A Viridian Forest, if you would. There were a lot of weak bugs and stuff here. Ah, Caterpie. I killed one of you once. It seemed like such a big deal back then, but now, WAM! 7 points!

…

Oh sorry, Koff Koff and I are having a competition to see how can make the most Caterpie and/or Weedle go SPLAT!

During my walk down the tree lined hallway, I was challenged by Bug Catcher Sammy! After all of the incredible battles I've had lately (with the exception of the battle I had with Cyan yesterday, that didn't count), I had to wonder just how mind-blowingly powerful Bug Catcher Sammy really was. A level 9 Weedle was the extent of his power. I could have killed your pokemon myself, I didn't need to bother The Scrambler for this. Now that I think about it, I've become desensitized to all these murders. Maybe I have a problem. Meh, fuck it. If it becomes topical at a time where it can be fixed with no physical, financial, or mental effort. Well here I am, out of Viridian Forest (as I have dubbed it)!

“Welcome to Pewter City! City of Rocks!”

I don't think that says Pallet Town.

Catch You Later.

Purple Gitimall

P.S: I cannot read so I may be wrong.

Cool Andrew ♂, Day 36: In a Bad Way

Saffron is a cold place. At night you see all the slime pour out from their dens of lechery and deceit to crowd the streets like vermin. Whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies. I look at them through a twelve-foot lens; never really touching anybody, and certainly never letting them touch me. A hard rain’s going to come one day and wash these streets clean.

I’m stuck living with this old bald guy, and he lets me stay at his house if I help him out. Thing is, helping the old bastard out means smuggling psychedelics over to other houses in the city; they don’t call him Mr. Psychic for nothing. Every night I get to run a package over to some slung-out drifter who works 12 hours a day pressing buttons at Silph Co. It’s dangerous, but I’m strapped for cash and need to stay alive.

It seems that I’m beginning to run low on Slowpoke Tails. Mr. Psychic keeps a few around for the more hardcore crowd, but even the price-drop I get from him doesn’t make it any easier. A lot of the time I get so close to deciding to quit, I really do; then you think too hard or you remember too much and everything comes crashing down right away and you just need that fix to make it through the night.

I’ve become desperate. Had a bad deal out behind the Copycat’s house early this morning. Guy tried to pass off some clearly fake pd on me. His screams from my Pincer’s hold on him lead the Jennys right to us. I took the drugs and everything he had on him. Came away with this strange little box with a CD inside. The words UP-GRADE are etched out on the side of it. I’ve been trying to find out what the hell the thing does, but I’ve got nothing.

I get the day to lay low and shirk off any heat from the Jennys, so I’m stuck in this house. Starting to feel a little stir-crazy. All this guy has are books on psychic Pokémon.

There’s screaming outside my window. Though with so many psychics in this town it might just be in my head.

I’ll take the rest of the day to try getting in touch with Violet. I haven’t heard from her since coming down here, and I want to know she’s okay.

Keeping on,
Cool Andrew ♂

Pink, Day 36: Thunder cats and thunder domes.

Hello, and welcome to the Pokémon Center!

Today, I had the strangest visit at the Pokémon Center.  The Nurse Joy was nice to me... and I was nice to her.  This was the strangest ever.  I left with my Pokémon healed and my spirits high (why was I so happy?).

Why was I being nice?  This was wrong.

As I went to the Pokémon Gym, Chansey got out of her ball and accompanied me.  Grrrrr niceness equals baaaddddd.  Perhaps battling could help my mood.

--

ZZZZZZZZZzzzzaaapppppppppp.

Lots of zapping happened.

At the Pokémon Gym, there were Pokémon trainers who had electric Pokémon.  Did I say Pokémon enough times?  Why is everything soooooo Pokémon?  Barggahahaahaaahaha.

On the outside, I'm smiling and being nice.  On the inside, my mind was a mess of emotions and confusion.  What... the... blooo----sure is nice weather today.

I fought many trainers and did well against them.  Machamp was really good at punching them and breaking their Pokémons' bones.  I was proud.  Of course, upon injuring their Pokémon, I had Chansey tend to them.  How could I let such great Pokémon stay wounded like that?  Battling was vile and full of violence.  Why would I ever partake in such things?

I carried on and----something weird.  Yep, sooooo weird.  I like to see the rain and the snow and the oh my, look at the time.  Its almost the end of the day.  And----that's when I found both switches for the electric gates and was able to get to the Gym Leader, Lt. Surge.

Lt. Surge said I had pretty hair and was sorry that he had to destroy my Pokémon.  What a nice guy.

We went up on an elevator and got to the roof where a giant dome surrounded us.  The trainers of the Gym surrounded the outside and were cheering and chanting.  "Two men enter, one man leaves!"

This was a little gender-specific.  I questioned Surge about the idea and he said his trainers didn't know what women were, and if they found out, they would do things he wasn't allowed to say due to censorship from the Pokémon League.

Interesting.

I was unsure of which Pokémon to start with but Chansey soon made my choice for me.  She stepped out onto the battlefield and smiled at Surge.  That was really nice of her.

I asked the Gym Leader what would happen at the end of the battle as the chant seemed fairly dismal.  Lt. Surge sent out a Raichu and grimaced.  "No.  No more questions.  No more worship.  Time to run.  Time to scream.  Time... to cry."

The chanting was drowned out by cheers and taunts from the onlookers and the battle commenced.  I've never seen Pokémon move so quickly.  Raichu moved like a streak of lightning and Chansey jumped about like a... jumping thing.  I could barely keep track of their movements as they danced across the dome interior, blasting electric and fire at each other.  Twice I found myself crouching or dashing out of the way of incoming attacks.  Lt. Surge just seemed to stand there, ignoring the fact his hair was both singed and standing up like a broken fence.

Eventually, Raichu was defeated but so was Chansey.  Both Pokémon were returned to their respective balls, and new Pokémon now stood out on the ground (roof of the Gym).  Surge had brought out an Electrode and I had thrown out Articuno.  If anything, the legendary could take a few hits to tire the Electrode out, even if the ice Pokémon ignored my orders.

However, Articuno didn't get a chance to show any disrespect towards me as Electrode used Self-Destruct.  The explosion was enough that the whole building and dome shook and fire littered the dome's frame, causing people to step back and send out water Pokémon to put out the growing blaze.

Both Pokémon were out again.  I was sure Electrode was now dead.  Articuno on the other hand was just in need of a rest at the Pokémon Center (probably a month's rest based on his (actually, the Pokédex won't tell me his gender as he is a legendary Pokémon.  I have yet to figure why this is, does the Pokédex not know what their particular organs are?  I am going to continue calling Articuno a he unless he gets pregnant.) injuries).

"You have done well little lady, but now you must face my thunder cat!"  Shouted Surge, releasing an Electabuzz.  The onlookers who had now put out the fire from the explosion began chanting, "Thunder, thunder, thunder cats... HOOOOOOO!"

I guess they really liked Electabuzzes.

Well the battle went savagely.  Electabuzz was a nightmare on legs.  It demolished my Growlithe, electrocuted (why are ghost Pokémon so broken?) my Haunter, beat up my Dratini and well, and maybe this was my fault, but Vaporeon nearly died.  Water Pokémon aren't very good against electric Pokémon.  Sorry Bloody, I still love you.  You love me right?  Phew, Vaporeon just nodded (or was this him just shaking about due to the shock of the battle?).

Last it was Machamp.  He was pretty tired from fighting all those trainers from the Gym but Electabuzz was tired too due to the battles with my other Pokémon.  It would prove to be a fairly even match.

What had started as a fast-paced battle now turned into the slowest contest in the history of Pokémon battles.  I had underestimated just how tired both Pokémon were.  Electabuzz could hardly walk and Machamp's double-kick attack was as weak as one of my kicks.

In the end, from its exhaustion,  Electabuzz fell over onto its face with a crunch.  When Surge returned it to its ball, there was a puddle of blood left where it had been.  I offered my services to help but Surge just asked me to leave.  The onlookers were now silent as I stepped out of the dome.  Surge gave me a badge for my victory then closed the dome after me.

It was a sad time for them all it seemed.  Perhaps I should have forfeited.  Never mind.

We hope to see you again soon!

Nur-r-r-r-se P-P-P-P-P-P-iiiiin-j-i-k-o-y--y--yyyyyy

Purple, Day 35: Viridian? More like VirLAMEian!

I stood beside a ledge below the Viridian Gym, it had taken me all night to run here. Okay, maybe not all night as I passed out in a patch of grass and ended up sleeping there for most of the night. It only took about 2 minutes of running to get here. Actually, it sounds cooler if it takes all night, please ignore this sentence and the previous one.

I attempted to hop the ledge, but it was useless. I swear, the world is filled with these INTENSE invisible walls. AM I THE ONLY PERSON WHO HEARS THE MUSIC? Speaking of that I really want to go back and listen to the music in Route 1, it was so nice. Oh wait, I'm here to kill Cyan. Wait, am I trying to kill him or is it just friendly competition? I do not remember which it is, so if I get a chance to off him I guess I'll take it.

This place is seeping with power. There were several trainers situated around the Gym that looked like they could kick my ass if they looked at me funny (because if they look at me funny that means I have to battle them, which will end in my ass being kicked). If Cyan is the leader of this Gym, then he must be more powerful than these guys! No wonder he was able to conquer Kanto so easily! I managed to sneak around the trainers by throwing the rocks I had from the Safari Zone to make them fight amongst themselves and around the puzzle by hopping over the tiles that shoot you in all sorts of directions!

I turned the corner and it appeared I had made it to the end of the Gym, as Cyan was sitting back eating an entire cake and the air of ultimate power disappeared (Trying to hide your power level from me, sneaky sneaky). Man it must rock to be a Gym Leader. You get underlings who you can get you cakes and then you can put your sexy chin and their face and yell “Hail to the king, Baby!”. I gotta highjack a Gym one day.

I challenged Cyan to a fight and he laughed, declaring, “That we must have a MAN'S battle! Only one pokemon! Also loser has to leave the Gym naked.”. I accepted, although was a bit afraid as to who would get in trouble if Cyan got naked. You know, child pornography laws and all.

Cyan threw his pokeball and out came a “Wang Chung”, I think he nicknamed it “Hitmonlee” or something stupid like that. Well if I can only use one, I'm going with my wingman! Go Koff Koff!

…

Out came “Shitty Duck”. Crap. I have too many pokeballs! Maybe this is why you are only supposed to have 6 pokemon? After this battle I will have to write their names on their balls. Well I've come too far to give up now! “Shitty Duck” do your stuff! The Wang Chung kicked “Shitty Duck” and it died.. or fainted, its really hard to tell sometimes. I guess that means I lose.

I threw all my clothes off (flinging my underwear in Cyan's face of course) and did a cock strut out of the Gym (It's funny because I was naked). So here I am, completely nude (with the exception of my backpack and belt with my pokeballs on it) in Viridian City. I guess I'll sit here for a while then go back to Oak's lab.

Catch You Later.

Purple Gitimall

P.S.: I guess I should pop back in the Gym and grab my clothes... naw I'll do it later.

Pink, Day 35: Simply shocking.

Hello, and welcome to the Pokémon Center!

With the Pokémon-athon over, it was time for everyone to clean up and pack everything away.  Applejack included.  She was happy with her winnings and gave me a share of them (three thousand Pokémon dollars!) as a farewell gift and for helping Fluttershy.  Applejack also allowed me to keep the Ponyta for a while.

She said she had a friend in Goldenrod City called Twilight Sparkle (weird name if you ask me, though since you didn't, carry on reading) but for some reason her friend hadn't been responding to calls or emails.  Applejack put a letter in a saddlebag she attached to Fluttershy's saddle and asked if I could take the letter and Fluttershy to Twilight.  If Twilight wasn't there then Applejack wanted me to call her right away and let her know of the situation.  Applejack would go herself but she had a family to take care of and for the moment wasn't able to go very far.  Especially not as far as a different region.

I said my goodbyes to Applejack and led Fluttershy across the path towards Vermillion City.  It was time I won a badge.  Uncle Gio would be opening Viridian City Gym in a few days and I wanted to be there to see him.  Perhaps he could figure out why people were calling me Nurse Joy all the time as I couldn't see why.

Upon reaching Vermillion, I spotted a group of people clearing up a wreckage that probably was once a building.  There was an old man stroking a soot-covered Rapidash and some people around him, hugging him.

I stepped off Fluttershy and put her in a Pokéball since Applejack didn't give me one.  The Pokéball disappeared.  Well bloody heckers, I guess I do have a limit.  But why was it seven Pokémon?  Where had this Chansey even come from?

Anyway, I decided to keep moving, heading right for the Vermillion Gym until I was met by the most formidable force in all the land.

A bush.

I could burn it down but the city seemed to have had enough of fire for the moment.  It was time to do some surfing!  Vaporeon practically refused and tried to run away but oohhhh nooo, that Pokémon was going to do as it was told!  After ten minutes and a few bruises, I managed to sit upon Vaporeon and I began my journey across the water.  Two seconds later, I got back on land.  If you can't cut the bush, surf round it!

Next, I walked to the Pokémon Gym and entered.  The place was crazy with people running around bins situated in rows across the room.  Right ahead were two gates of electricity that were powered by some machine and beyond them stood a tall fierce man.  I surmised he was the Gym Leader.

While I surveyed the area, a trainer challenged me to a battle.

...

Electric Pokémon are bloody horrible.  Once I heal my Pokémon at the Center, I am going to come back and beat this trainer up.  Nurse Joy style!  Oh just wait, he will be hating on me because I'll be stylin' on him!

We hope to see you again soon!

Nurse Pink J-J-J-Mc-J-c-Q-o-u-yyyyyyyyyyyy

Purple, Day 34: What is a pun?

Slowkingbro stood there, glistening in the sun and staring off into the sea with an expression that allowed all to see the complex enigma that was his mind. He opened his mouth and people words came out! He must be really smart if he can talk in people tongue.

So I kicked him into the water and began to surf. Slowkingbro kept trying to words at me, something about the human condition in relation to society or some Tauroshit like that. I just wanted to get across the water, I didn't care about what you had to say. He then complained about how his nickname was unintelligent. Man, first you get all intelligent and now you hate being called Pokey? EVOLUTION MADE YOU A BAD POKEMON.

When we landed, he concluded his analysis on why the subject of Arceus was no longer relevant to a thinking world. Fine, if it'll shut him up, he can have a new name. I suggested he be called Asskicker, the King, to which he responded with by calling it “Simply Gastly” (he had to point out the pun he made, because he didn't think I would get it (the joke was on him though because I don't even know what a pun is(Zing!))). He then recommended his new name to be King Steven Bradley. That name is stupid.

King Steven Bradley accepted his new name and then wanted to discuss the benefits of adopting a Plutocracy over our current government (we have one of those?). I responded by returning him to his ball and shoving him as far in my backpack as I could. I am so ditching this guy as soon as I can.

Ignoring Captain McFunRuiner AKA King Steven Bradley, it appeared I was in Pallet Town! They finally took down all the pretend Fuchsia stuff! I knew you could be your own person (town)! Hooray! I figured I would celebrate the victory for you by becoming a registered pokemon trainer! So I'm 34 days late on getting registered, I'm sure it doesn't actually matter anyway.  It's just one of those formalities you don't appear to be the only person who has to wear a leash when they leave the house (similar situations really).

I walked into Proffesor Oak's lab and expected to get registered and move on but instead was greeted by an upset Oak. He was ranting about how some brat had moved into the Viridian Gym and was posing as a gym leader. I put my fingers to Oak's lips, “Shhhh, we'll have to do this another time baby”, and I took off full sprint towards Viridian.

Cyan, I am coming for you.

Catch You Later.

Purple Gitimall.

Pink, Day 34: Friendship is magic. Well, kind of.

Hello, and welcome to the Pokémon Center!

I probably shouldn't have had Haunter use Dream Eater last night.  Everything is nearly orange and my vision is a little shaky.  I'm not sure I'm even thinking straight.

Perfect for racing, don't you think?

For the moment, I'm riding on Fluttershy, and wow, is she just that.  She flutters about like a bird and she's as shy as can be... unless Dratini is around, then she is as eager as the rest of the Ponytas and other Pokémon (apart from Pinkie Pink).  I rode her for a little to get used to her (I've never ridden a Pokémon but Applejack assures that I am a natural - is it normal to bounce on the saddle every time Fluttershy moves a hoof?  It started to hurt after a bit).

I decided to keep Dratini with me for the Pokémon-athon race so that Fluttershy would ride well.  According to Applejack, there was a prize for winning.  Twenty thousand Pokémon dollars in fact!  Oh and some trophy.  Money is very good!  If I won, I would be in the money!  Rolling about in it!

Applejack was going to ride in the Pokémon-athon too.  She sat on upon a Rapidash called Rarity alongside me.  Rather than fire coloured fire, the Rapidash bore a mane of purple flames and smoke.  The Pokémon looked well groomed and had a set of three diamonds on its hind leg.  It was both elegant and pretty, for a Pokémon.  I'm not Andrew after all.

Earlier in the morning, Applejack had been complaining about some Ekans in her boot.  How did an Ekans slither into someone's boot while they were wearing it?!

Anyways, all was well now.  (It was kind of orange and slightly double but not to worry.)

While I rode, I spotted a familiar face.  It took a few moments for me to remember exactly who he was, and when I did, I felt pity.  Cool Trainer Andrew ♂ looked... dead.  The young man (older than me but he's young still) plodded along the grass slowly.  What in Kanto had Andrew done to himself?  Last I'd heard, he'd lost his Lickitung due to some relationship trouble.  The idea of a human-Pokémon relationship sickened me.  Still, Andrew was a friend (?) or at least an associate of Purple's.  I had to do something for him.

The Ponyta walked towards him (and Andrew walked into Fluttershy - was he drunk) and I said "Hello" to Andrew but he didn't respond.  I urged Fluttershy closer and spoke louder.  Again, Andrew didn't say anything.  Instead, he merely stared off in the distance.  This time I shouted and he finally looked up at me.  He smiled and put his hands on my head, moving them around my hair as he started to grin and weep, trying to climb on me.  He said he needed to find her.  Whoever "her" was.  He added he wanted to win the Pokémon-athon to fix his problems, to better himself once and for all.  It was such a tear-jerking story that one could almost cry.

I punched him off me and saw him crash to the ground.  What else was a girl supposed to do?

Bump!

Just now, Fluttershy had gotten scared by a passing Beedrill and I fell off.  I hurt my leg when I landed and it was a struggle to get back on the saddle.  Even more to fit my feet into the stirrups (due to the leg hurting thing).  Applejack made sure I was okay and then led me to the starting area.  She said we could have a few practice attempts before the main race started.  Obviously, I needed practice.  Fluttershy did too.  While all this happened, Dratini hung round Ponyta's head, barely able to balance herself.  Poor thing.

Around the area, people were starting to gather in the stands, line up at the ticket office and buy food at the stalls.  It was getting busy, and men, women and children alike were growing excited for the great event.

Other competitors included a girl atop a Starmie, a man sat upon a Dodrio, a child sat on a Weezing, a Meowth sat on another Meowth (was this even allowed), a Hitmonlee sat in a chariot with three Weepinbells leading it, a Kangaskhan (I'm guessing the baby in its pouch counted as the rider?), a very large man riding a Horsea (bad idea in my opinion) and last but not least, a little girl upon a tailless Slowpoke.  Oh and Andrew on a bluish Pinsir.  Andrew still looked like he was about to die.  The niceness in my head worried about his safety but the brain in my head wanted to thump him once more.

Applejack trotted Rarity beside me and smiled and wished me luck.  I did the same but I was crossing my fingers.  That twenty thousand was mine!

After people were ready in the stands and the participants were all lined up, a man stood forth with a gun to start the race.  The man pointed the gun up and...

three...

two...

one...

BANG!

The racers took off!

As I dashed away on Fluttershy, I heard someone scream and collapse.  It seemed that the man had accidentally shot the large man riding the Horsea.  The Horsea didn't seem too worried about the whole incident.

Dratini could barely hold on as the Ponyta stormed across the track with speed and efficiency, taking the lead immediately by passing the Meowth on Meowth.  As Fluttershy galloped, I bounced on the saddle like a jackhammer.  Ohhh... my bloody legs.  My poor legs indeed.

For a little while, we kept the lead until the child upon the Weezing came close to challenge our place, using Smokescreen to block our view.  For a while it worked until we passed the smoke and Fluttershy used flamethrower.  The Weezing fainted and the kid crawled away with third degree burns.  Poor kid.

Some time later, the little girl riding the tailless Slowpoke appeared and raced ahead.  How could a Slowpoke move so quickly?  Did its tail really slow it down?

Annoyed that we were now in second place, I kicked Fluttershy to go faster but it made her slower and soon it was Applejack who took over.  Now third place, I did my best to apologise to the Ponyta for kicking her (did Pokémon speak Kantlish?) and soon we were back in form, catching up to those ahead.

After a long time, I saw Andrew on his Pinsir dash off the racetrack, earning a disqualification upon doing so.  Well there was one less challenger to worry about.  While I looked at Andrew, I felt Fluttershy jump really high, landing a short distance ahead.  As she galloped, I looked back to see the tailless Slowpoke on the floor upside down along with the little girl.  Even further back, I spotted the rest of the participants and they were catching up.

Screams and whistles sounded in the air as the final piece of the track came into view.  Applejack was within range that I could hear her Rapidash's hooves beat the ground with great strength and agility.  Fluttershy saw them and moved quicker.  Things were going well.  I could catch up and win that money.  This was going to be the best day ever, I was going to be rich!  I could buy a house, buy a street!  I could run up to Professor Oak and buy his lab then kick him out of it!  Everything was going to be perfect!

Fluttershy stopped so sharply, I flew off and hit the ground hard.  Dratini came with me, crashing with a groan.

I didn't understand.  How could this happen to me?  I was going to catch up and beat even Applejack!  It was going to be the best day in history!  I was going to be rich!

I got up and looked to Fluttershy who was cowering at the side of the racetrack.  Dratini slithered my way, worried that she might get trampled by the now passing racers.  There was no way I could win now.

I examined Fluttershy to see what had caused her to stop.

...

...

A single leaf was on her hind leg.  One leaf.

We hope to see you again soon!

Nurse Pink Joy

Cyan, Day 34: Damn it, I Should Have Been a Criminal Mastermind!

Basically, I’m really debating starting my own Pokemon Mafia, because being Giovanni is amazing. Seriously, I ask for ANYTHING and these grunts get it for me (except for the ones who know I’m not Giovanni, they just get the occasional brick to the face or kick from Wang Chung until they’re out cold.)

So, another day at the Gym went by, and I watched as my minions stood there, awaiting to thwart some moron’s attempt to face me. Yesterday someone came close, they defeated almost all of my runts, until my last servant got smart and decided just to run up and punch him. Sure, this may be against the rules but who cares!? It’s Poke-War.

As I took my tour around the Gym, I passed the containment room once more, still wondering what was inside. I saw a giant super computer beside it, and debated trying out my computerized knowledge on it but then I realized I didn’t know how to computer (technology is scary!), so once again stayed away from it.

I did happen to find the badges though! Who would have thought they would have been inside the crate I had been using as a foot rest for the past several days!? Ha! Hilarious concept!

Today I did happen to leave the gym for an extended period of time. I went around Viridian, staring off into the western end of the city. There was a large building there, but I had no idea what it was… There was a tree that looked like it could have been cut, but I was far too busy waiting for Purple to arrive to challenge me than to go gallivanting after some kind of mystery today! I was almost tempted to make one of my lackies do it, or ask the Police about it, but I thought against it. The Police have been really nice to me ever since I told them I was Giovanni. It’s weird (it’s especially weird because there’s wanted posters of me everywhere, but none of the Doduo. Well, they wouldn’t be able to catch him anyways, the stupid jerk evolved. Perfect cover!)

So, returning back to my Gym, I saw yet another grunt waiting for me. I sighed and let Wang Chung run wild once more, asking what the little pompous jerk wanted with me. Then he did the unthinkable.

He told me he wanted to start another gang, away from all the turmoil of Kanto and off into the beyond, where he could own territory! He called it Team Aqua, and asked profusely for me to join in. Did he know who I was!? I was Giovanni (the impersonator)! So, Wang Chung gave him the largest kick to the face and I watched him fly out the window.

Great, I just had the window guy leave, it’s gonna cost me $300 to fix the damn thing. So, I’m just gonna put up some cardboard.

Cyan Gitors

Cool Andrew ♂, Day 34: The Speed of Sound

I found myself just south of Saffron City with some killer blisters on my feet and the hard scent of grass smeared into my clothes.  Last thing I remember was I saw Celebi somewhere, not sure what really happened. 

Anyhow, it’s lucky that I came here when I did, because the annual Pokémon-athon was going on.  I always used to watch the event on my TV back home, though I fell out of it in recent years.  It’s kind of turned into a Miltankperson thing, and not a lot of people from the city go here anymore.  But, since I was here, I might as well get into the mood of things.  I dropped behind a tent and snorted a quick tail before going out.  I wanted an extra boost of confidence if I was going to hang out with a bunch of po-dunk philistines all day. 

After taking a good half hour to figure out what language the menu at the Phanpy Ear stand was, I ran headfirst into some odd-looking Nurse Joy who was upon a Ponyta.  Catching her eye, I could have sworn that I knew her from somewhere.  Also, her hair was so pink that I wanted to dive into it and live there until death came for me, and I could invite him to join me there so no more people would die because we would be too happy in the pinkness…

I’ve learned not to always trust things I see while poking. 

Seeing that I’d spent most of my remaining cash, I decided I would have to do something drastic if I wanted to buy another hit before nightfall.  Just then, I noticed the grand prize for the race on a nearby flier.  That kind of pd would keep me well suited for years to come.  I went to the sign-up booth and put my name down.  I kept the ‘trainer’ in my name so people would think I still gave a shit about training pokémon. 

When the race started, it suddenly dawned on me that I was sort of at a lack for pokémon.  Spearow would have won pretty quickly, but I couldn’t use a flying pokémon in the competition.  I went over to one of the officials and debated that my Spearow didn’t fly, but simply moved the ground around itself to create the illusion of flying.  Losing a good 15 minutes on that, I realized I would have to let my other pokémon out of his ball.  I hadn’t looked at the thing since I’d found it on my person after my first trip, and was a little apprehensive to take it out. 

The Pinsir burst out when I called him, and his purple-ish shell gleamed in a really odd way.  It just looked so… shiny.   Perhaps it was just me.  Climbing on top of his mighty claws, I situated myself to get ready to race.

Tensing myself, the gun fired to start the race, and Pinsir shot off like a rocket, with me barely able to hang on.  The thing must have been going mach 7, and everything around me looked blurry as I rushed by it.  We were moving so fast that I couldn’t even make out the other racers.  Closing my eyes, I screamed out for help, but the wind rushing by me took my words away.  Realizing nothing could stop the mad rage with which my beast ran, I hugged its horn tight, shutting my eyes as we sped on even faster than before. 

After what seemed like hours, I opened my eyes.  Pinsir had finally stopped, and stood boldly as I slid off of him.  I looked around at the new land laid out before me.  Approaching some mustachioed fellow pushing a broom along, I inquired as to where I was.  He looked at me with a raised eyebrow and told me I was just south of Saffron.

Pinsir had run around the earth and back to where we started.

…

I passed out in the field from the shock of it.

Woah,

Cool Andrew ♂