OH MY GOD I AM ON TOP OF VERMILLION GYM RAYQUAZA YOU FUCKING DICK WHAT THE HELL I HATE YOU ASS.
After a few hours of trying to get off the roof, I ended up tumbling off but I safely landed on my broken arm. I can't feel any pain in it, so I'll assume that its perfectly fine. I wondered why that assdragon left me on top of the gym rather than tucking me into the dumpster behind the Gym where I could have snuggly dreams among the garbage, only to discover Rayquaza asleep on top of several buildings. Aww, he put me to bed the only way he knew, what a motherly dragon~! There were a few Officer Jennys and news vans trying to arrest and/or taking footage of Rayquaza. I figured I'd let them have their fun while I got my badge.
There are a lot of trashcans in here. Some guy walked up to me and said “Yo Champ in the making!” and tried to give me advice on how to tackle the Gym. I punched him in his man-ovaries and demanded to know how to shut off the electric fence that protected the Gym Leader. He informed me that there were 2 switches in 2 random trashcans and I had to find them to deactivate the fence. I laughed at him and told him I would show him how a “Champ” does things.
I walked up to the fence and swung my arm into the current and watched as the lightning battled my arm. This stunk the place up like a butt barbeque but it made the place soooooo pretty with the colors that emerged from my arm! It's like Archimas! Eventually the electricity had enough abuse from my arm and short circuited, allowing me access to Lt. Surge.
“Absolute Arceus! I haven't seen sparks like that since the war! Ya gotta get that arm of yers to the infirmary!”
Yeah yeah, whatever Master Sargent Captain of War, I came here for your badge, not your sympathy. I whipped out Koff Koff and begun our battle. He sent out his Voltorb, probably hoping to have a cool, round pokemon fight. He started going on about the “superior qualites of electric pokemon” but Koff Koff had already melted part of his Voltorb with acid. He growled at me and sent out a Pikachu, who met the same fate. Surge got really mad then and sent out his Raichu. He told me stories about how Raichu was his best friend and how he wouldn't have been able to survive the war without him. It was touching to say the least but that didn't stop me from telling Koff Koff to blast half his face with his deadly poison. That's gonna scar really badly. He gave me the badge and told me to get out while he cried over his Raichu. Geez, just take it to the pokemon center, you big baby.
I mounted Rayquaza, told all the onlookers to suck it, and flew off. I asked Rayquaza where we would be stopping next and he growled at me. I am so sick of your shit, Rayquaza. Learn to speak Kantlish like the rest of us.
We landed beside my hometown's very own Celadon Gym. The girls here are very pretty and I felt bad having to go in there and beat them all up. Ah well, they deserve it for not dating me due to my low intellect, bad personality, and inability to pleasure them. It's their fault really. As I opened the door, a girl pushed me over and said that only girls were allowed in the Gym. Knowing what had to be done, I looked her in the eyes and unbuttoned my pants. She shrieked in terror but kept her eyes glued on my genitalia (Oh boy! A girl wants to see me naked!). I grabbed my throbbing member and pulled out my handy dandy pocket knife. Closing my eyes, I stuck the knife in and begun cutting. The pain was overwhelming and I began to spit up my lunch as I sawed farther down into my stick of happiness.
After what seemed like an eternity of cutting and ripping away, it came off. I held my penis in my hand and met eyes with the Lass, whom had passed out (with her eyes open cause she didn't want to miss a second of my dick (I assume)). Hurting, pain, ouchie, I am dizzy wooooo. I don't think I can keep it together for much longer........m,b vnbfvdcsaaaa ICANDOTHIS ERIKAGIVEMETHEBADGE.
I sent out Captain FunRuiner AKA King Steven Bradley, and demanded he flood the gym.
“Old chap, you may not understand it, but by keeping the great mind I house contained, you are committing an abomination against all the philosophers of the region! How do you expect a Philodox, like myself, to remain quiet forever?”
I shoved my detached penis into his face and repeated the order. The water began blasting from his mouth and soon Erika floated to my feet. She was half asleep and didn't really notice the bloody phallus in my hand. She murmured something about most of her pokemon being hurt and that only Vileplume could fight. As soon as her pokemon came out, I screamed at it and Captain FunRuiner AKA King Steven Bradley accepted that as an order and froze it with an Ice Beam. I plucked the badge off of Erika, who was now fully asleep, and began my mad sprint for the pokemon center.
The Nurse Joy spouted something about something but I didn't care so I dived into the healing machine.
“Da na na na na, na na.”
Catch You Later.
Purple Gitimall
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