Purple, Day 3.5: I Get My First Pokemon (Fuck You Pidgey)

Oh Arceus, Oh Arceus, Oh Arceus, OH ARCEUS! I need to find pokemon fast! Where would I even go about finding a pokemon in Saffron City? I mean realistically I could leave the city but then I would have to deal with wild pokemon! Those fuckers are scary (plus I performed genocide on the whole of Route 7).

In my moment of thought (When I make posts I type up exactly what I was thinking at the time in chronological order. I am a natural born story teller.) I seem to have wondered into a dark alley. Exciting! All the cool people hang out in dark alleys. I was approached by two upstanding, fine young gentlemen dressed in swanky, matching black outfits with red “R”'s on them. They must have been employees for some pokemart because they walked straight up to me and asked if I had any pokemon.

Now these guys were Men. They weren't ladies like Pink. I could tell them the truth, but stretch it a little to make me sound like the Alpha-male. The line I gave them was so awesome I need to quote it verbatim, “Aw yeah guys, I have the coolest not any pokemon”. Based off the look they gave me they had accepted me as their leader. They then offered to give me a pokemon, probably just wanted to deck out their new leader with some kickassemon (I will copyright that soon so you better not use it!).

When I said “give” I meant “sell”. Good Arceus, they wanted a lot of money. I know I'm your leader and I need to give you allowance, but could you at least be modest about it? I told them I was good for it and they handed me the pokeball. That's when things took a turn for the worse. They started hitting me! Cyan hits harder, these guys are babymen. Despite saying that they were kicking my ass pretty badly. While I was in the middle of assuming the fetal position the pokeball opened!

There he was, my first pokemon (Once again, Fuck you Pidgey)! He gleamed in the light with his majesty!

…

To be honest I had no clue what kind of pokemon it was. I need to read a pokemon glossary or something. I quickly learned as my stupid henchmen (I'm holding auditions for new ones!) said something about “Restraining the Koffing”. I have a Koffing! I will call him Koff Koff! I got off the ground grabbed Koff Koff and booked it. I managed to escape (I also found a jar of rare candies along the way!) and heard my ex-comrades shout at me taking their defective Koffing. I have no clue what they mean.

According to Nurse Joy, my Koffing is allergic to its own toxic gas.

What?

Catch you Later.

Purple Gitimall

P.S. Hopefully Pink will show up soon so I can show her Koff Koff!

P.S.S. Look at Pink's eyes, not her ass. She doesn't seem to enjoy it as much as me.