Wow! Here I am at the Pokemon League Finals! To think that in the future I am not so weak that everybody and anybody kicks my ass up and down Kanto I am powerful enough to rule as their iron-fisted God! Today is a good day, and I plan to win this whole shindig! I figured I might as well as do some training so I would be prepared to battle whomever my opponent would be today, but then I remembered the Future Robot Type Pokemon menace (that definitely exists) that is capable of destroying the space-time continuum (and killing me). So instead of training, I sat around in my room and forced my pokemon to drink/eat every consumable item I have picked up on my journey. I think it helped.
It was the big moment, I stepped out onto the field and awaited my challenger. I waited a long time because I arrived 3 hours early. It was worth it to be able to stand there looking all official and stuff. Do you see me now Trainer Andrew ♂? Am I making you proud?! After a long time, the audience began to trickle in, and seeing as I was the only person there, I figured I would entertain them with how cool I was. I ripped of my hoodie and by using it's arms, I tied it around my neck to give me a cape. Using my HARDCORE BACK MUSCLES, I made it flap in the wind despite there being none. I am the next Lance. The crowd laughed at me. Do these Futurekind laugh at badass things?
The announcer came on over the magic techno speakers and introduced the challengers. He introduced me first, because I was already on the field, and then, to my dismay, announced my enemy: Cyan Gitors. My Arceus, he followed me into the future! Will this bastard stop at nothing to sabotage me? Wait, if he's here, maybe Pink is too (=D)! I can rebuild my life and start up a family Robot pokemon hunting team. All I have to do is defeat Cyan!
“Cyan! I will fight you until you are dead!”
“Ha! You have small Genitalia and will fall at the feet of the great Cyan Gitors! Also I stole your hat.”, said Cyan while mounting my hat on his grotesque head.
…
He is dead.
The battle began. The little monster released his Wang Chung so I countered by sending out The Scrambler. Wang Chung started having fun tonight by kicking the living shit out of The Scrambler. Lucky for me though, The Scrambler is a tree, thus invincible! I commanded him to do something cool and he did! The Scrambler's multiple heads glew purple and the Wang Chung stopped in it's tracks, and then slammed it into the ground. The pokemon struggled and looked up to meet the eyes of its better, just as The Scrambler released a mighty Leaf Storm upon it.
“PKMN Trainer Cyan's Hitmonlee has been defeated!”, cried the announcer.
Cyan snarled and released his next beast, Charizard. The foul dragon (Fun Fact! Charizard is actually a Fire/Flying pokemon!) opened its gaping jaw and sprayed the battlefield with its rancid fire breath. The Scrambler clung to dear life, but the fire was too much for the mighty tree.
“PKMN Trainer Purple's Exeggutor has been defeated!”, cried the announcer.
“Ha! Take that you Slowkingbro!”, laughed Cyan.
W-was that supposed to be an insult? Did he mistake The Scrambler for a Slowkingbro? I mean, I guess I can't blame him, they do look pretty similar.
I will take down that beast the only way I know, fighting fire with fire (because once again, super effective against everything). Garfunkel was sure to tame this beast. There was so much heat and hot flying around the field it was like bing, bang, kapowey! With fire! Just when I thought Garfunkel was going to go down, Charizard grabbed him and flew high into the sky, making circles as he did.
I will take down that beast the only way I know, fighting fire with fire (because once again, super effective against everything). Garfunkel was sure to tame this beast. There was so much heat and hot flying around the field it was like bing, bang, kapowey! With fire! Just when I thought Garfunkel was going to go down, Charizard grabbed him and flew high into the sky, making circles as he did.
“Seismic Toss! Seismic Toss!”, cheered the crowd.
Uh oh! He's gonna pound Garfunkel into the ground! Lucky for me FIRE IS SUPER EFFECTIVE AGAINST EVERYTHING!!! I shouted up at Garfunkel to perform “Order 66”. I knew I prepared this attack for something. As Charizard hurled itself at the ground, planning to have Garfunkel take the blunt of the blow, Garfunkel kicked it in the dragonpenis (Fun fact! Cyan's Charizard is actually female!) and climbed on top of it forcing it downwards. When the two hit the ground the sheer force was directed into Charizard while Garfunkel hopped off the beast to safety,
“PKMN Trainer Cyan's Charizard has been defeated!”, cried the announcer.
Cyan was foaming at the mouth (Fun fact! Wild Ratatta carry diseases that do this to trainers!) and reached for his last pokemon, releasing his murderous Dodrio. Oh no, Garfunkel is too tired to continue fighting, I'll have to switch out for Koff Koff! Upon coming out of his ball (I decorated it, because I love Koff Koff the most!), Koff Koff did a little dance. Awwww~ Unfortunately, Cyan wasn't going to have dancing as his Dodrio released a barrage of Drill Pecks upon Koff Koff. Koff Koff floated there, taking the hits like a boss, but I knew he couldn't last forever. Throughout the time we spent together, Koff Koff and I have developed a special bond and have trained beyond our limits (not really, but it sounds cool). During these training sessions Koff Koff learned a special move that I have saved for a day such as this. I looked up at the sky and saw Rayquaza fly through the clouds, and upon seeing it, I knew what must be done. Koff Koff, victory will be ours!
“Koff Koff! Use MURDERBEAM!”
Koff Koff's mouth emitted a glorious light that fired off through the field, tearing up the ground with its mighty power, and rammed the Dodrio, forcing him against the wall until the entirity of the beam had passed over him.
“OH! IT'S HYPERBEAM! IT'S A ONE-HIT WONDER! PKMN TRAINER CYAN'S DODRIO HAS BEEN DEFEATED!!! PURPLE GITIMALL IS THE VICTOR OF THE POKEMON LEAGUE TOURNAMENT!!!”, screamed the Announcer loud enough to wake the dead in Lavender town.
The attack is called Murderbeam though... Ah well I won and I guess that's all that matters. There was cheering and conffetti everywhere as the people in the stadium went insane. I guess it was a good thing I listened to that cool cape guy and used the Murderbeam TM on Koff Koff.
I saw Cyan stomp across the battlefield, reeking with the odor of rage like a Muk's bad breath, as he clenched his fists as he prepared to attack me.
“Not today, Cyan!”, I said with an uppercut to his jaw, rendering him uncounicous. Some people in the crowd gasped in horror but were too amazed by the magnificance of our battle to actually inform the Officer Jennys that I just brutally assualted a 10 year old. I grabbed my hat off of his now dreaming body and donned it upon my head.
Look at me world! I am Purple Gitmall, victor of the Pokemon League Tournament! And I am not stupid!
Catch You Later.
Purple Gitimall
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