Well, I decided it was improper of me to kill myself. Actually, ungentle manlike. So, instead, I’ve decided to go on a quest. This quest is not to be the best Pokemon Trainer (I already am) or to catch every Pokemon (please, who wants to do that?), but to murder someone. Well, actually someones. People I think they’re called.
During my stay in Cherrygrove, I have realized one thing: The elderly suck. No matter how many times I asked a guy to help me get some Pokeballs, he just kept showing me around the town! Also, I couldn’t go anywhere because he had me locked into his path! I don’t know how he did it! He must be a witch, or a Trainer Male or something Clefairy like that. Either way, I have town maps out the ass (well, not really maps. Here they use iPokeDexPhones that come with apps. They have one for everything!), that I don’t know what to do with! I started giving them away at first, but then someone gave me something for them. He called them Slowpoke tails, and then said he was part of Team Rocket and it was very important I kept them on my person. Then he turned into a Magikarp and jumped into the ocean.
Weird, eh?
Either way, I decided that it was time I finally caught another Pokemon. I watched James Franco negotiate (burn the shit out of) a nice Poliwag and I threw a Pokeball at it on my way out of town. Later that day on the route, I found a HootHoot! Score! The bird and myself did epic battle, although in the end I was victorious. I accidentally stomped on it, crushing it’s wings and part of it’s foot. It was very easy to catch after that. I know what you’re thinking. “Cyan! How can you harm something so innocent and beautiful!?” That’s a good question Crystal, and I would like to tell you something.
You are wrong. You could not be more wrong. I mean, even if you were more wrong, you still could not be more so than you are right now. As every good-hearted Kantonian knows, the HootHoot was hiding weapons of mass destruction to use on Cerulean City. Therefore, in the name of my country, no. My HONOR, I had to crush it’s larynx.
I quickly arrived at Violet City, and demanded the little girl I met that she take me to the gym leader. She quickly informed me that she was not a tour guide, and I should look for the giant building saying Gym. How was I supposed to do this in the dark!? Even Peder couldn’t help me see! So, after a long thought out process, I decided to do what any trainer would do in this situation.
I tore off my clothes, and ran screaming the world “Falkner” throughout the Gym, challenging him to a Gym battle of nudity out in the wild.
He’ll come….
Cyan Gitors
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