Trainer Andrew ♂, Day 100: This Is The Worst Trip I’ve Ever Been On

Well, that didn’t turn out so well.  The S.S. Anne is belly-up and quickly disappearing beneath the inky waters.  All around me are the echoing cries for Help! and splashing forms succumbing beneath the depths. 

Things had started on a rather placid morning, and I awoke late in the day to go walk the beat of the upper decks and see what was going on.  We would be in Johto soon, so I guess they were saving themselves for a final party.  This cruise feels like it’s been going on for quite a while now…

I spent the day beating children at the foosball table in the game room, but quickly grew bored.  Joining Lickitung back at the room, we were startled several hours later by a loud crashing sound.  Unsure of what to do, I phoned the main desk but couldn’t get through.  All of a sudden, some Nurse Joy burst into the room (at a most inopportune time, if ever there was one) but quickly ducked out of the room to wretch around the corner.  Some people!

Hearing feet stamp through the hall, Lickitung and I made our way outside.  A great panic had risen up, and everywhere there was the pushing of bodies and trampling of scared souls.  Hoisting Lickitung onto my shoulders, I had her licking the various people before us, their bodies falling down from paralysis.  I can’t say that this was the most ethical action, but in such situations it is essential to survive, no matter the cost.

The main deck was even worse than the lower ones, and it took all my strength to keep Lickitung’s hand in mine.  We had to fight against the rising slope of the ship, as it had begun to tip over.  People jumped off the side.  Some poor guy leaped from the back of the ship and smashed himself against the propellers.  He will be sorely missed. 

Through all the various heads and shoulders, I managed to see the bearded face of the captain.  Pushing over to him, I begged for him to take us along with him.  Being in merry spirits (and a bit water-logged, if you catch my drift), he threw an arm around me and showed us over to a line of life boats reserved for higher V.I.Ps on the ship.  Stepping down into one, we were lowered down by a bunch of grim-faced sailors. 

And here I am now.  Luckily the boat has wireless on it, so I’m able to write all this down.  Just after getting a safe distance away, we busted open the celebratory escape champagne and toasted.  Some drenched survivor tried to climb into the boat, but we had to beat him off with an oar, because, as the Captain explained, he would have tipped the boat.  Very sad.  The washer and dryer are running right now, so we all had to outfit ourselves in these nice tuxedos and cocktail dresses.  But mine’s about a size too large, and the inseam is too long.  And now there isn’t enough pâté to go around!  This is awful.

I make no promises, as the sea is rough and the life boat’s state rooms don’t have central air, but I shall try to make it through this traumatic experience,
Trainer Andrew ♂