I went off to route 16 to catch my first pokemon but lo and behold some fat sack of shit was in my way. The sign said “Beware! Sleeping pokemon may block road!” Good Arceus, do all sleeping pokemon expand to the size of a whale when they sleep?! I couldn't roll it over so I guess I'll have to take the eastern exit if I'm gonna get out of the city.
On my way out I saw a Caterpie! My first wild pokemon! I readied the net and prepared my attack!
….
I squished it. I stepped on the Caterpie. I took the life of a Caterpie. My hands (feet?) are stained with blood. I am no longer innocent. I am no longer a child. I am a man now.
After cleaning up my deflowering mess I ran into Cyan. Upon greeting him he declared that as my rival (what the fuck I'm not ready for the responsibility of having a rival yet!) he would have to battle me. Neither of us had a pokemon though so we ended up punching each other. I am in a pokemon center now so you can probably guess what happened (Why are there only pokecenters? Why don't they make human pokecenters?). Little bastard has fists made of pain.
Well I'm about to leave the pokemon center but I figured I would snag a pokeball off the counter to aid me in my quest. Every other new trainer gets a free pokemon... I promise I'm not a bad person. Let's see what cool pokemon I got with my five-finger discount!
A Pidgey. Fuck.
Catch you later.
Purple Gitimall
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