WARNING THIS TIME-STREAM HAS LOCKED

I was able to get this message through before the Time-Stream sealed off completely (I'll explain in further detail later), Arceus knows whenever it will actually post, but I, no, we need you to know that the blog has moved. Due to the Prank of Celebi, we are no longer able to post here. If you wish to see the continuing stories of Pokeblog Adventure, you will need to check out the new blog by clicking here.

Speed on everybody, as you can see THE WIT OF PURPLE (TIME-LOCK PART 2) over at the new blog now!

THE PRANK OF CELEBI (TIME-LOCK)

Still in hiding after his misadventures in Azalea Town, Purple Gitimall stumbles upon a medium sized shrine dedicated to the Guardian Deity of Ilex Forest. He looks upon it, not understanding the meaning of such an object of course, and scratches his chiny-chin-chin.

“I suppose I could hide in here, it's better than trying to hide behind that stupid Farfetch'd (it keeps running away whenever I get close!)...” he spoke aloud and thought to himself.

This boy is a strange one, I am sure we all can agree, but that fact withstanding he has achieved many things that people with a head full of sanity could never even dream of. Why is he as capable as he is? Why, even I do not know the answer to that! I'm sorry, I've rambled on for far too long, let me finish regaling you with the story.
Ignoring the signs asking for prayers and offerings for the forest (and even a warning or two!), Purple climbed into the shrine, closing the hatch behind him. He thought himself safe from the Jennys, and for once, he was correct. No Jenny, Joy, nor angry Gym Leader would ever think to look inside the Shrine of Celebi as they had heard the story of the Wrath of Celebi. Of course Purple, who loves Johto culture (even if he doesn't understand how to respect it) had heard this story too, but I'm sure it is not a surprise to anyone that Purple either didn't remember or doesn't understand how to apply things he knows into his everyday life.
What's the Wrath of Celebi you ask? Well, it's less wrath-like and more of a prank, straight out of the pages of the book of Whimiscott the Prankster God. It probably should be referred to as the Prank of Celebi (and for convenience, we will). Upon closing himself inside the shrine, which is a fixed moment in time, Celebi has locked the door to the shrine, leaving Purple locked outside of time itself. This would be a death sentence, were it not for Celebi's fun loving nature (Jolly, perhaps?).

Purple Gitimall, the “Pokemon Trainer Victorious”, must figure out how to open the shrine door from the inside. Call a friend, you say? That's the fun part, the time stream has been split. Time as you know it will go on, but the world of Purple Gitimall has halted. Sure, there is a time stream where Pokeblog Adventures marches on, but it marches on without Purple. Will Purple be able to break the Time-Lock, the Prank of Celebi? Find out next time on Pokeblog Adventures!

TO BE CONTINUED...

Gent Trainer Andrew ♂, Johto Day 35: Brother, My Brother

I’m scared to let Umbreon and Espeon out of their pokéballs.  I tried just letting Espeon out, but then I felt really bad about not having Umbreon there, so I sent him out as well.  When that didn’t go so well, I just sent Umbreon out, but then I felt like sending Espeon out just to see the fighting continue.  It never stops!

So now I’ve got their two pokéballs sitting on the bed while I stare at them from my chair.  Apparently sensing that they’re close to each other, those two are rocking around like madmen.  I suppose I could just lock them away in a PC, but that’s far too much like giving up.  I’m a living manifesto for doing the right thing (or at least I try to be), so giving up on my poor pokémon like that is just cruel. 

But this fighting!  Just because one is pure good and one pure evil, does that necessarily make one better than the other?  Without goodness in the world, things would descend into chaos, and yet without evil there would be no standard for good to exist.  I think both need to act as balancing forces for the other.

There must be a way, I cannot quit.  Just, tell me, what are we fighting for?  We got to end this war.  We should love one another, so can’t we just pretend this war never began?  We face each other from different sides, the anger burns, but we can’t remember why.  It’s crazy to face this pain, our foolish pride makes us hate this way.  Tell me why…

I’m having a severe déjà vu attack,
Gent Trainer Andrew ♂

Purple, Johto Day 35: The Tale Of How I Defeated The Bug Master

Azalea Gym, the bug specialist gym. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh god, I'm going to kick everyone's ass here, no prob. What the hell is this spider thing? This wasn't here in the Johto's Visitors Guide I read everynight before bed... Well I better give it a shot-

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

IT'S TAKING ME AROUND THE ROOM. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. DO NOT LIKE AT ALL.

Sorry you had to see hear read that, it was very traumatizing for me. Well I think I understand how this spider-cart thing works now so I'll give it another shot-

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I STILL DO NOT LIKE THIS.

Man, I threw up my lunch. I don't have enough money to get new food, so I suppose my only option is to eat it again. It was so much effort to eat that a first time and now I have to do it again! Life is hard for me.

“Oh Celebi man, have some decency! Please stop eating your puke! Oh come on, I am not allowed to move from this spot on my honor as a Gym Leader! I WANT TO LOOK AWAY BUT I CANNOT!”
Upon looking up I saw the most beautiful girl I had ever seen (aside from those Gardevoirs, meow (that's actually very creepy, I retract that statement)), and instantly recognized who she was; She was Bugsy, the Azalea Gym Leader!

“I love you Pretty Lady Girl, may I perform sex upon you?” I asked while putting on the smoulder.

“Dude, I have a penis like you. I don't swing that way. Are we going to battle or not?” replied Bugsy, trying to be hard to get.

Ohohohoho, I see what's going on, she is one of Johto's coveted Girls who have Penises. If I want to perform the sex, I must prove my dominance in a Pokemon Match! Truly, the mating rituals of Johto are amazing.

I sent out Pearl the Sunflora and ordered her to start charging a Solarbeam, so I could defeat her entire team in a single attack. As it turns out, things do not work that way because her Scyther X-Scissor'd Pearl to death. Or fainting. Like I've said before, they're quite similar.

I reached for my belt and sent out Giggles the Quagsire. After I murdered King Steven Bradley, I figured I would need a new water Pokemon and Giggles seemed pretty happy about joining my team. I have high hope for Giggles!

Fun fact: Giggles typing (Water/Ground) makes him immune to electric attacks! But in return, he has a 4 times weakness to Grass. It turns out, Bugsy knows how typing works as she had Scyther trip Giggles, and with the Gym floor being covered in grass, Giggles was defeated instantly.

I would not take this! Pearls and Giggles are beautiful Pokemon from the Land of the Rising Solrock! THE GREATEST REGION EVER CREATED! I will not allow my lust for this girl (who needs to stop claiming to be male, it's a giant turn off) to distract me from kicking her ass! It's time to enact the plan!

Sending out Koff Koff, I issued the command:

“Koff Koff use Autotomize!”

“Hold up dude”, said Bugsy, “that is a Steel move, intended for Steel type Pokemon and a few select others. I don't think Weezing can learn it. Plus, that move makes a Pokemon shed useless parts of it's body! What useless part is there on a Weezing?”

“Uhhhhhhhhh.”
Despite this, Koff Koff followed the command. He struggled with all of his might and with a mighty plop, his second head fell off.

“Congratulations, dumbass. Your KOFF KOFF unevolved into KOFFING!” chuckled Bugsy.

I was so mad. Not at Koff Koff, it wasn't his fault. At this Bugsy girl. She had put me through much pain and agner that I couldn't take it anymore. I flipped in the air, landing in a handstand position and released a Hyperbeam from my mouth and a Bubblebeam from my butt that supplemented the power of the Hyperbeam (by popping on contact the energy from the beam) which destroyed her Scyther in one hit. Bugsy was at a loss to comprehend what had just happened, but I was able to snap her back to reality by unzipping my pants and speaking the following:

“Ha! I have brought down your Scyther! Send out your next Pokemon!”

“Naw man, the rest of my Pokemon suck. Just take the Hive Badge and get out.”

And then I deflowered Bugsy. Sex is different than what I thought it was, alot more biting (on Bugsy's part (it's like she didn't want to have it!) and crying (on both of our parts, I just loved her so much!). I think I'll avoid it from now on.

Catch You Later!

Purple Gitimall, Pokemon Trainer Vitorious

P.S: If anybody needs me, I am hiding out in Ilex Forest. For some reason the Jennys are mad at me. They said something about “Sexual Assualt' charges. People have sex with Girls with Penises all the time after beating them in a Pokemon Battle in Anime! These Jennys are sooooo Kanto.

Gent Trainer Andrew ♂, Johto Day 34: War for Peace

Snapped out of my general malaise.  Realized it was Espeon and Umbreon who have been causing my emotional swings.  Upon reflection this was actually painfully obvious.

And now they’re in this massive, horrible battle to the death!  It’s a violent, evil scene, and I can barely stand here with Lickitung and do nothing while they battle.  This is just too much to deal with!  Each side battles for their noble truth.  An all-powerful force against an unmovable object.  It’s a cataclysmic scene of massive proportions which will decide not only the fate of my own soul, but perhaps the very course of existence! 

Good and evil, light and dark, black and white, who will be the victor?  Which side will emerge from the broken heap of bodies and crushed dreams!?

Though, kind of taking some heat out of the battle, it turns out that these two have some sort of psychic or spiritual connection which ties them together.  As such, when one strikes a blow against the other, they feel it themselves.  Really it kind of comes down to them standing there Quick Attacking each other and then resting for a few minutes before the other gathers up enough power to attack.  But I’ve been feeling dramatic.

In any case, I must stop them from doing this before one of them gets hurt.  Even though Umbreon might be the incarnation of pure evil, he’s still my pokémon.  And even though Espeon made me lose a lot of money so that I didn’t get a dinner last night (yeah, I guess it did go to a worthy cause), she too is my pokémon. 

I am a pokémon Trainer dammit, and so it’s my job to take care of MY pokémon! 

Just realized I could put them back in their balls, so I did that.  Problem solved.

For now.

So now what do I do?
Gent Trainer Andrew ♂

Gent Trainer Andrew ♂, Johto Day 33: The Emptiness

I didn’t do anything special yesterday, so I thought I might as well not bother with a post. 

Both Espeon and Umbreon are with me today, and everything has just been… if the color gray were a feeling, I would be that.  I’ve no real inclinations toward anything.  Once the idea comes up to do something I can’t decide if I should do it or not.

Work was no more boring than interesting.  The kids that come to me may or may not be open to learning things.  It all depends.

I’m not sure why this is a more worthy post than me putting up nothing.  Actually, all my posts probably aren’t that interesting.  Or they might be, people read them.  Eh, whatever.

I really want vanilla ice cream.  Does anybody really want vanilla ice cream?  That has been my only craving all day.

Espeon and Embreon have started fighting.  I hope one wins.  Or they could both lose.  Either way something happens.

That’s all I have,                                                          
 Gent Trainer Andrew ♂

Purple, Johto Day 31: The Tale Of How I Became Pokemon Trainer Victorious

Thanks to a suggestion from Anon Y. Mous, I found a way to regain my honor! He/she suggested I walk to the opposite end of the cave and back! People of the internet are so smart! I wanted to make sure I got my honor back in full, so I spent the last 2 days making my back and forth through Union Cave. I have seen so many Zubats.

SO. MANY. MOTHERFUCKING. ZUBATS.

So yeah, honor restored, Pokemon Trainer Victorious, everything is good again.

I now stand on the grassy knoll right beside Azalea Town, and the entirety of the town is within my sight. The Pokecenter, the Pokemart, the Pokegym, the Pokeball Maker, all of these beautiful buildings made for humans like me. Yup. All of those things are nice and all, but I am not interested in them at the moment. This is what I am interested in! Slowpoke Well. So majestic, with all of its... majesty.

My bag started to wiggle and waggle and out popped Captain McFunRuiner AKA King Steven Bradley.

“I say oldboy, were you trying to keep me away from this artifact of my people's oppression? Whether this to be an attempt to protect my psyche or to limit the dabbling I am able to do to bring about the betterment of my people's social status through revolution, either way, I will require a fortnight within this dwelling. I know we've had our differences in the past, but would you please join me in a moment of remembrance?” said the stupid fucking Slowkingbro (for those of you who do not remember, two Shellders bit my Slowpoke's head and tail at the same time, creating this abomination).

I stood beside Captain McFunRuiner AKA King Steven Bradley, he had his eyes closed and bowed his head as he offered his thoughts to the Slowpokes below.

There was a rumbling. A not so far off rumbling. It got louder, and closer until...

A horde of Slowpokes burst through the trees behind us and formed the ultimate stampede. Hundreds and hundreds of Slowpokes were rushing at Captain McFunRuiner AKA King Steven Bradley and I at an alarmingly fast speed (for Slowpokes anyway).

In reaction to the Slowpede, I grabbed Captain McFunRuiner AKA King Steven Bradley and hurdled ourselves out of the way. Granted, it was very easy to avoid, and I'm sure if we had briskly walked, we could have been around them without too much effort on our part, but what was done was done.

“You.. you saved me. You know, I thought you were nothing but a low class neer-do-well who viewed an intellectual as myself like a Beastly-Pet-Slave. Purple Gitimall, for the first time since my detainment and inaction into your services, I am proud to be your Pokemon.”

“Oh yeah sure”.

And then I kicked him into the well.

“PURPLE! Master! Help me!” cried Captain McFunRuiner AKA King Steven Bradley as he clung to the stone wall of the well for his life.

I got to my knees, looked into the Kingbro's eyes with the look of the Pokemon Trainer Vitorious, and in one movement, I slammed my hands upon his, making sure my claws dug deep (pretend here guys), and with the transformation of straight face into a sly grin, I whispered...

“Long.”

“Live.”

“The.”

“King.”

And then I dropped him. He probably died.

Catch You Later!

Purple Gitimall, Pokemon Trainer Victorious

P.S: I killed him cause he was a douche.

P.S.S: Oh, and in case you couldn't tell, I paid off the slowpokes to charge at us so I could put my plan of kicking Captain McI'mDeadNow AKA The Former King Steven Bradley into the well into action. I hid it really well by not mentioning it at all. Pretty smart, if you ask me.

Gent Trainer Andrew ♂, Johto Day 31: Everything’s Coming Up Roselias

I’m afraid I did a horrible thing last night.  An evil, vile, dreadful thing I’m going to be regretting for a long time.  Though I can’t imagine why I did it, I burned down Mr. Pokémon’s house!  I feel awful, just completely terrible.  I know I said some rather hurtful things about the man, but that doesn’t mean I hate him or anything, I was just off on a tiff or something. 

Umbreon got hurt in the fire, and as soon as the flames lapped him I sort of snapped into what was going on.  I ran back home to get a burn heal on him, calling the Jennies and anonymously reporting the fire when I’d finished.  So Umbreon had to rest in his pokéball all day.  I hope he doesn’t mind it too much.  From what Purple said I don’t think it’s terribly nice in there. 

But Espeon was with me, and I just began to feel so awful about what I’d done that I couldn’t loaf around for a moment longer.  Dragging Lickitung along with me, though not necessarily telling her everything, I went by Mr. Pokémon’s house to offer my services in helping him with the repairs.  He seemed guarded at first, a fair response considering my actions yesterday, but after a little bit I proved that my intentions were true.  Espeon even helped out a bit, moving boards and tools around with her powers.  With all four of us helping, the damages were fixed in no time flat. 

Although I never told Mr. Pokémon I had started the fire, I still felt my conscience nipping at my heels.  So I went back home, gathered up all of my money that I’d saved, and slid it under his door.  It’s nice to give to others.  I think tomorrow I’ll go over and cook dinner for him.  I guess that would require buying food though… oh well, I can scrounge something up if I put my noggin to the grindstone.

I know I usually don’t take many pauses when writing, but I simply must do so right now, as there is a gentleman asking for me.

…

Never mind about that, he simply wanted to mug me.  Lucky that I didn’t have any money.  I hope I can get somebody to loan me a new pair of pants, mine were just taken.

I’m sure he needed them more than me,
Gent Trainer Andrew ♂

Gent Trainer Andrew ♂, Johto Day 30: A Whole Mess of Liars

These kids that come by seeking a guide are all brainless, wasted curds of flesh and bone who shouldn’t be allowed outside for fear of running into a Whiscash and insulting its intelligence.  Given the chance, I would be glad to slowly peel of their skin and stick shards of glass in their orifices.  Some kid today wouldn’t stop nibbling on his Hoothoot.  Pokémon are friends, not food!  Get that through your skull to the tiny bit of active nerve which, at this point, probably doesn’t do much besides hold your anus tight enough so that you don’t begin shitting yourself while having food ladled into your mouth.  Are 37^th trimester abortions legal yet?

Anyway, so Lickitung and Espeon went off to go do female things (I couldn’t care less), so I was stuck with Umbreon all day.  Neither of these little bastards ever wants to go into their pokéballs, so I’m stuck having to haul them around.  Espeon didn’t even want to leave me alone with Umbreon, like I can’t handle myself or something.  I made Lickitung lick the thing into paralysis and then forced her to take it away.  Good riddance.  It’s not like Umbreon is even so bad.  Eventually I stopped feeling on edge around him, and we were like two Magnemites in a Magneton (that metaphor sounds confused for some reason). 

Umbreon and I were doing some exploring up Route 30, where we found a Hoppip and I had him use Confuse Ray on it until it broke its own legs.  After that it was more like a Limpip (screw you, I’m hilarious).  Going deeper in, we managed to find this little cabin tucked deep in the woods.  Deciding to go in, we found this old guy named Mr. Pokémon.  I don’t have the best luck with people who are named Mr. so I was a little cautious. 

Umbreon sat on my lap while he greeted us and gave us food.  Too bad it tasted horrible, and I told him so after spitting it into one of his potted plants.  He laughed it off like the farting, ancient dustbin without enough gumption to hold an erection without a little boy around that he so clearly is, and asked if I wanted to see something interesting.  I should have just left right there because all he came back with was two glowing orbs, one red, one blue.  But when I wanted to hold one, he said that they weren’t for me.  Suck a chode you old pissdrinker.  I would leave my pubic hairs in your coffee, but you probably get off to that. 

I got up and went out immediately, unable to stand another second around that asshole.  He probably feels really special, being out here all alone, jerking off in his little cabin.  It’s doubtful he could even handle normal society. 

Somebody should teach this guy a lesson.

Well, now I’m sitting along the route writing this while Umbreon sits close by.  There’s a Ledybra a few yards over, so I’m debating how to break the bones of something with an exoskeleton.  Oh well, you know what they say: practice makes perfect.

In the name of science,
Gent Trainer Andrew ♂

Cyan, Johto Day 29: Well, I'm Back to the Old- THUD

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t love Johto (I don’t) and I’d rather shiv myself than be here (I would), although I am back in New Bark Town. Why? This is gonna be good.

Well, I had defeated that bird jerk and got my first badge, and I was feelin’ pretty good about myself! That was, until I was brutally knocked out. I don’t know who did it, but when I came to, I was in the back of a truck. I don’t know how this keeps happening. I mean, I wake up in the weirdest places.

A few days later, the truck stopped and I got out (whoever kidnapped me did NOT do that great of a job) to find myself in the middle of Cherrygrove, where my iPokedexphone went off. Picking it up, I heard Professor Elm, who would not let me talk (bald bastard) insisting I come to his laboratory.

A few more days passed, and I didn’t do much. Just kind of sat around, pigged out on some food, scratched myself until I decided to finally go walking. I went back to New Bark Town and stopped by the laboratory.

Professor Elm thanked me for coming with such great haste (really?) and then proceeded to tell me he had an egg for me. Handing it to me, he told me that I needed to walk with it as much as I possibly could. I shook it a couple of times, and even chucked it at a wall. The thing would just not break at all!

So, now I’m back in New Bark until- Oh boy, not again. Down I go.

Cyan Gitors

Pink Joy, Day 29: Decisions!

So... I don't know which one to pick.

Here's a bad picture book I did of what happened today.

I still don't know.

Help.

Nurse Pink Joy McQueen - Patient 4815162342

Pink Joy, Day 28: Return of the Joy-I

I am alive!  Aliiiiivvvveeee!  I have spent a long time in hospital due to drowning, broken bones, and genetic meltdown.  I'm not sure how well I am since they wouldn't tell me, nor would they let me outside of my four-walled cushion room where I had to wear a straight jacket.  It wasn't ever straight really.

Well now, I managed to escape by the art of lying.  It really worked.  I tricked a doctor into thinking that machines were going to take over the world in the future with a company named Seanet.

Then I stole my Pokémon and ran away.

This is a picture of me being mysterious. Would you like to see more pictures?

Presently, I'm in some place called New Bark Town.  Apparently, I can choose a Pokémon here from a selection of three if I lie and tell them I am a new trainer.

But… what Pokémon should I start with?

Cyndaquil?

Chikorita?

Or Totodile?

I may need help with this decision.

Nurse Pink Joy McQueen - Patient 4815162342

Purple Gitimall, Johto Day 28: The Tale Of How I Cheated Myself Of An Adventure

"Will I ever see you again Ray Ray?" I asked the dragon.

"Probably, I follow you around everywhere, but you don't know that." Rayquaza responded.

"Oh, okay."

After he "left", I scanned my surroundings. Rayquaza had dropped me off in front of Union Cave. But to my dismay, he left me on the wrong side! I am on the other side of the cave but I did not cross through it! I am a dirty cheater! I have failed myself. I have failed my Pokemon. But worse of all, I have failed you, the beautiful people who take the time to read of our adventures (or should I say the others adventures and my AWFULTURES).

I am the worst pokemon trainer....

I hate me....

WHY AM I ALLOWED TO LIVE IN SUCH A BEAUTIFUL LAND!

Please dear readers of my pitiful journeys, tell me how awful I am. I am a failure to all and I deserve the worst.

Here I walk into the exit of Union Cave, a place that admits a light that gives hope of victory to true travelers, yet all I see is accusations of my personal misgivings. There a gentle Sandshrew scratches upon the earth. I kick it, cutting it open with a knife so I may consume it's innards. I am soiled.


I Will End It Tonight.Purple Gitimall, The Failure

Gent Trainer Andrew ♂, Johto Day 28: The Good, the Bad, and the Eevee

Today started out so normal too.  I’d just gotten off of a long shift, which had run late because a new trainer kept making me repeat my speech about walking at least 27 times, and afterwards just stared at me for half an hour with a blank face.  These kids are starting to get on my nerves.

But I was free for the evening, so I decided that I might as well take Eevee out for a light romp north of Cherrygrove City.  Lickitung and I watched peacefully on a grassy knoll as the shy little pokémon sniffed around an apricorn tree.  We stayed out there for a few hours with the happy scamp, enjoying the gentle breeze and watching the sun slowly fade beyond the horizon. 

Then, just as early twilight hit (you know, when it’s not really day or night), a wild Aipom leaped out of the tall grass and dashed towards Eevee.  I’m not sure about this, but I’m pretty sure it made eye contact with me for a second.  Lickitung took a step forward to do something, but I put up a hand to hold her back.  I wanted to see what Eevee would do.  The Aipom reached out its tail to grab at Eevee, but the little brown beast hit it with a Tackle straight to its stomach, sending it flying away. 

Running down to go and hug Eevee for doing such a good job, it suddenly began to glow all white. 

“What?” I thought to myself, “EEVEE is evolving!”  Nouns have all capital letters in my head, I’ve just learned not to write them down that way. 

But something weird happened.  Instead of turning into one new pokémon, Eevee split into two.  When the light died down, there stood before me an Espeon and an Umbreon.  Lickitung stared up at me with a raised eyebrow, but I could only respond with a shrug.

I think I might have broken something.  I can’t remember ever hearing anything about evolving pokémon multiplying like this. 

Before I could do anything, Espeon walked over to me and began rubbing her head on my pant leg.  I stuck out a hand to Umbreon, but he turned his head away and stuck his nose in the air.  Espeon looked up at me with big, sad eyes, and I felt a warm feeling all over my body.  Trotting away, she began chasing her tail. 

As soon as the one had left, Umbreon approached, although slowly, cautiously.  He stared at me with those blood red eyes and I felt my extremities turn numb.  There’s something not right about this thing, it’s so… dark.  Lickitung pulled on my hand when he looked at me, but I ignored her.  He’s my pokémon, and thusly my responsibility to care for him.

Anyway, since I consider it rude to put pokémon into their balls just after they’ve evolved, I let them stretch their legs and walk back home with me.  Espeon jumped onto my right shoulder, and Umbreon quickly mirrored her.  This isn’t so bad, at least the auras I get from these two cancel out when they’re both so close. 

Feeling fairly ‘meh’,
Gent Trainer Andrew ♂

P.S. Actually, that was a terrible idea to have them on my shoulders, these things are like 50 lbs each.

Purple Gitimall, Johto Day 27: The Tale Of How I Am Returning To Society

So after lying low with Rayquaza, and attempting to treat the wounds Ray Ray recieved (Note to self: Hitting Rayquaza with a rock does not fiz him), I think we may be ready to go back to our daily lives.
After being here for the longest 4 days of my life, I can say that I am going to miss this place. All of the hail, the extremely violent pokemon, and this giant rash I contracted from a Tangela's Powerwhip conviently placed Pokemon Center. Yup. I will miss it.

I ran out of magic capture balls while I was here but I managed to catch the coolest Pokemon ever (Sorry Koff Koff)! It's a Quagsire! His name is Giggles! I swapped up my team a bit, so The Scrambler has been sent into the digital realm of captivity. I put him in a box with trees for a background! As far as I know he really likes trees!

Well Ray Ray says he is ready to fly and is going to drop me off by Union Cave and return to the Sky Pillar (as far as I know, ohohohoho). It's a shame I didn't get to explore more. I saw some red guy who looked pretty important a few times. I didn't get his name, so I'll just call him Red. Next time I come here, I plan to fight him (or capture him if he turns out to be a secret pokemon guy). Well we're taking off now, so I'll see you guys soon!


Catch You Later!
Purple Gitimall

Gent Trainer Andrew ♂, Johto Day 26: The Saddest Are These

Those faces.  They looked so alive, yet never moved.  All they could do was stare off into the distance, glassy eyed, mouths agape.  I haven’t been able to get those images out of my head. 

It took me a while, but managed to travel south, and am now in some nice town called Cherrygrove City.  That is a lovely name: Cherrygrove.

All the people are very warm and accommodating, so I managed to find a job in no time flat.  I work as a Guide Gent, (thus the title, which I like enough to keep) and to pass the test and receive certification is amazingly easy.  And I’m not tooting my own horn on this one.  One of the questions was: Do you have the ability to locate and shop in a Poké Mart?  The sad thing is that I have to teach people how to do these things.  But the pay is steady and I got some really cool shoes; I can even run in them, which I never could do before because I didn’t want to bend, and thusly crease, my nice loafers. 

There are a surprising amount of people who come into this city completely unaware of how to do anything, all from New Bark Town.  I don’t think the New Bark Town educational system is doing its job if the people there have never been in a Pokémon Center before.  I’m surprised a few of them can even eat.

More interestingly though, I’ve been debating what I should do with my Eevee.  I obviously just can’t leave it as it is (what would people think?), and so I must pick an evolution for the poor thing.  The thing is I can’t decide.  All of its evolutions are just so… not normal, if that makes sense. 

So feel free to comment and tell me what you think I should do with my little Eevee.

Traumatized forever,

Gent Trainer Andrew ♂

Purple, Johto Day 23: The Tale Of How I Met And Ran From Cult Members

Fear kept me from leaving the pokemon center. This is exactly what Slendergar wants, me huddled under the Nurse Joy's desk in fear (and she keeps yelling for security, doesn't she know she will only attract the attention of Slendergar?), when if he wanted to use Absorb, Mega Drain, and/or Giga Drain on me he could do it at any time he pleases with no resistance. If I am going to die (?), then I am going to go out fighting. Or at least in view of that guy selling Slowpoke Tails (he asked me if I was a cop, I think he is undercover ad trying to find his friends).

Upon exiting the Pokemon Center, lighting stuck several times around me, clouds tumbled down from the sky forming a vortex around me, and it felt if the Air had been Locked (it doesn't make sense to me either). All of my fear dissipated immediately as a large green dragon ranging within the humongous to fucking giant height range, detailed with circular tribal markings, that makes a noise similar to "MAI PLAZA" descended from the sky. I was afraid though because it was my buddy Rayquaza!

“I am very surprised to see you here Ray Ray!”

“I am too!”

“Woah.”

“Yeah. Hey, I hear I have a cult! Wanna go check it out?”

Instead of answering him, I mounted his face. That’s how I ride him. Through the sky.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeokay we're here.

Blackthorn City, home of the last Gym in Johto (or at least it would be the last if I were to arrange them in a chronological order of how they should be challenged), and also home of the Raycultza, as I assume its called. Rayquaza explained to me that it consisted of a bunch of Dragon Tamers who believed Rayquaza would take them to the moon if they commuted Suicune.

“I don't really understand why they would believe if they managed to get Suicune to move I would take them to the moon. I mean, I CAN take them to the moon, but Suicune literally has nothing to do with me. I mean, it would make a nice girl and all if we Legendaries had genders, but I am approximately 23 feet long and Suicune is just a tad shy of 7 foot. I wouldn;t be able to stick my penis in her, if either of us had reproductive organs. You know what I'm saying.”

“Dude, your like a pokemon and I understand what you are saying.”

“Woah.”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe I should take them up to the moon! It's the least I could do to reward them for being such a good cult.”

So all we have to do is round them up on Rayquaza's back, and then fly them to the moon (maybe swing about the stars on the way back (my editor tells me that stars are actually much farther away than the moon (thanks a lot for ruining my joke (Wait, I don't have an editor))). The perfect plan.

OHMYGOD. OHMYGOD. LOTSODEADGUYS (and girls). Oh it's Trainer Andrew ♂. AHHHHHH. DEADTHINGS. AH, ONE OF THEM IS GETTING UP. I'LL STAB IT.

Oh. Rayquaza informed me that he was just trying to clean up some of the bodies. Oh well, no one will notice an extra body. Uh oh, one noticed it. And by one I mean three. Guess I outta run.

So now I am flying over Johto on Rayquaza, with Clair on her Dragonite and Lance on his Gyarados. I didn't know those things could actually fly. I will spare you some time and just tell you that it was an amazing chase scene that could bankrupt the biggest high-budget movie. Lance was saying something about handing Rayquaza over to them and I think Clair wanted a slab returned (It was hard to hear her over the sound of her silly costume).

…

Rayquaza was hurt trying to escape them (they blamed me when Lance's Gyarados's Hyper Beam hit Ray Ray!) and now we're hiding out in a mountain. It's really silver here.

Catch You Later.

Purple Gitimall

Trainer Andrew ♂, Johto Day 23: Where Dragons Dare

There are dead bodies everywhere!  Their mouths are agape like Magikarp sucking air, and they all arranged themselves neatly along the wall of the cave.  This is horrible, just horrible I tell you!  I mean- how could you even do this to yourself?  Why!?

I come out of the bathroom with Lickitung waiting there for me, and then we round the corner and BAM: death. 

I had to poke one to check.  They’re dead, definitely dead.  I need to sit down, this is too awful.  Over near the edge is that nice elderly gentleman that gave me a Dratini too.  I definitely can’t return it now, that’s for sure.  What kind of weirdo cult was Lance apart of!?  I mean, I’ve heard of doing crazy stuff for your ceremonies, but mass suicide!?  And by drinking punch of all things!

At least Lance and Clair, who is the gym leader here, managed to survive.  I sent them upstairs to get my backpack, which I realized I had left at the entrance to the cave.  They seemed really disappointed when they saw all the bodies lined up.  Did they know about this?  Lance always seemed like such a calm, collected guy, but when he came down all he could do was moan and cry about how he would never get to the moon now.  I am DONE with him.  He’s far gone, insane, flown the coop, dropped the bomb, is a pure, uncut lunatic. 

What’s worse than him going all crazy is that now he won’t show me out of the cave!  I have had quite enough of these “caves” for a while.  Nothing good ever seems to happen in them for me.  I’ll have to just crawl my way out, who cares if I get lost, and anything is better than spending a second near these psyducks! 

I need a shower, or a bath, or something, anything.  I feel dirty all over. 

Those bodies though, who’s going to clean them up…

Seriously!  What was that!?  AAAAAUUUUGH

I must be bad luck or something, people keep dying around me.

Trainer Andrew ♂

Purple, Johto Day 22: The Tale Of How I Realized I Needed To Get My Butt In Gear

Oh man guys, I gotta apologize for the lack of posts lately. For some reason it seems that being in Johto has made me really bad at the whole living facade I put on. Oh wait, no, I am actually alive, that was a complete lie. Seeing as I just got over my 3 day Anime and Ramen binge, I think I will continue my Pokeblog Adventure!

See how I worked the name of the blog into the post? I thought that was really clever.

Anyways I need to go down to Azalea Town if I am to get my next badge, and there is a certain location I want to see there. Oh how I cannot wait to see that certain place, but for now I must traverse this route leading to union cave which connects to Azalea. The trainers were no match for me (Pearl even evolved into a beautiful flower! (No really, I'm serious, she is a beautiful Sunflora now.)), although they did give me some distressing news: Apparently I am being followed a large green dragon ranging within the humongous to fucking giant height range, detailed with circular tribal markings, that makes a noise similar to "MAI PLAZA". I wonder what it could be, I'm starting to worry because Eusine even warned me that he felt an ominous presence about me (Morty just flipped shit and started chucking Ultra balls at something (the nerve of some people)).

I gotta be careful from now on, what if I am being stalked by Slendergar?


Catch You Later!
Purple Gitimall

P.S: I'm very, very scared. :(

Trainer Andrew ♂, Johto Day 22: Into the Light

I finally escaped that wretched place!  And it was so simple all this time.  There was a massive pit in the middle of this room sheeted in ice, and I kept slipping into it and having to climb my way back out via another route.  It turned out that I had been going left, up, left, down, left, up, left, RIGHT, down, right, down.  Which is obviously all wrong, as I should have been going left, up, left, down, left, up, left, down, right, down, right.  How could I have been so stupid!?

Dragging my haggard frame from that icy tomb, I emerged into Blackthorn City, which, despite the giant icy cave right next door, is noticeably lacking ice.  While pondering the meteorological improbability of having such a closed-system temperature difference would have been a lot of fun, I was far too tired and hungry, my mouth still reeking of raw Delibird.  Going to the Pokémon Center, I stumbled inside and crashed out on the floor.

Awaking several hours later, and discouraging some Nurse Joys from looking at a few of my toes which had become a strange, black color, I sought out somebody to talk to who could explain to me this new, odd town.  Sitting down for dinner in some old lady’s house (she didn’t seem to mind), I questioned her about the place.  She told me that Blackthorn City is famous for its Dragon Trainers, most notable Lance of the Elite Four. 

I laughed a bit, and told her that I had once replaced Lance in an Elite Four battle.  She looked confused, so I inquired as to why.

“Well,” she said “that’s not what he told me.”  At that, she called upstairs.  Then, who should emerge but my old friend Lance!

Running over to hug me, though I’ve told him I’m not one for physical contact, he was elated at seeing me again, as he had assumed I’d died on the S.S. Anne.  Slapping me heartily on the back, he beckoned me upstairs.  He explained that the old woman downstairs was him mother, and that he had come back to his hometown to try and get his life in order. 

Apparently the whole incident at the Indigo Plateau had shown him that he really hadn’t gotten over the problems of his past.  But everything changed when he was drawn in by this gathering of people called the Rayquazians, who told him that the legendary pokémon Rayquaza was going to come down from his moon base at the next equinox to take all the true believers to live with him there. 

I told him that I knew somebody who had met Rayquaza, but he dismissed it.  I also wanted to know how they would be able to live or breathe on the moon, but none of my questions seemed to even faze him.  Then he wanted to give me some literature which, he said, would explain everything.  But I’m already a Celebite, so I passed on his offer. 

While that didn’t make him too happy, he did offer me a chance to see his little religious group at a ceremony they had coming up.  It was almost the equinox, and all Rayquazians from across Johto were going to meet in Blackthorn City’s Dragon Den to celebrate their ascension into space. 

I don’t have anything to do, so I accepted his offer kindly. 

It’s fun to learn about new cultures,
Trainer Andrew ♂

Trainer Andrew ♂, Johto Day 20: The Ice Cave Cometh

It has been two days now.

Everything is the same color.  Navigation is hard.

Hungry, but food is scarce.

Killed and ate Delibird, tasted like pastrami.

Boulders move when I leave.

A racist-looking face stares out.  No, wait, it’s purple now.  I feel better.

I need help.  Save me.

Purple, Johto Day 19: The Tale Of How I Defeated The Bird Master

I made it to Violet City! And it only took me an entire day to wander down the route here! Okay, so it was only 24 squares away, but I had a severe case of Conveniently Falling Asleep For An Entire Day Disease. I am here now, and that is all that matters. Right?

Violet City is a pretty great place: Houses with the traditional silly shignles, a traditionally large Johtonese building honoring the Bellsprout Gods (I would like to announce that I am now a Bellhist, and not just because it's the traditional religion of Johto, but because the Bellsprout lord spoke to me in a dream), traditional pokemon trainer school, traditional Gym, and most importantly, the traditional ramen stands. I WAS BORN FOR THIS PLACE.

I figured taking a gander at the Gym wouldn't be bad for my pokemon, but before I did that, I would have to free them from their pokeballs. I cannot allow them to be trapped in the hellish inside of the capture device. With every pokemon I released, I smashed their according ball (except for Captain McFunRuiner AKA King Steven Bradley, I stomped his a little early teehee (the ass survived)). I could have sworn I heard Garfunkel say “Dude, we liked it in there”, but I've had an issue like this before, so I disregarded it completely. Now that all my pokemon were free I told them all to gather inside my backpack. I figure since my backpack has a seemingly finite amount of space that it should suffice as a home for my pokemon as well. On to the Gym!

“佳作魚屋には、ジムの頭の侍に私を指摘して喜ぶ.” I said.

“Huh?” responded the Gym Clerk.

“Honorable Advicemonger, would you please point me out to the head samurai of the gym?” I said again in disgust, how dare he not speak the tongue of his people!

“Oh, the Gym Leader. Falkner is over there Dude. He uses birds and shit, so yeah, get a rock or electric type or something.”

A rock or an electric type? What pokemon do I have on me?

Koff Koff the Weezing, The Scrambler the Exeggutor, Garfunkel the Magmar, Missile the Raichu, Captain McFunRuiner AKA King Steven Bradley the Slowkingbro, and Pearl H. Arbor the Sunkern.

I got this in the bag.

Falkner ranted for a little while about his Dad's prized bird pokemon, rather than his honor which kindof ticked me off a bit. Doesn't anybody in Johto know how to act?

“Falkner! You have brought disgrace upon my household! And for that, I have tracked you down so that we may do BATTLEARU! Bring the fight!” I yelled with my best Johtonese accent.

“Dude are you a racist or something-”, Falkner attempted to say but I had already sent out Missile who had fried his Pidgey.

For some reason, that happened so easily. It was like, my pokemon were way too powerful due to me fighting in another League. It's probably my imagination, but just incase I'll have Pearl fight this next one. Out came Pidgeotto, it didn't look too strong, but it was probably trying to fool me, the pidgey family is known for its deviousness (and for dying like bitches). I could feel the tension between Pearl and the Pidgeotto growing, and then without warning, the bird charged! Pearl was ready for it though, as she dodged it and then spat a Sludge Bomb on it, killing it instantly! Koff Koff taught the little girl well!

“Dude, you killed me pokemon. THAT'S HARDCORE!”

Yay! I have a badge! Time for a victory nap!

Catch You Later!

Purple Gitimall

Trainer Andrew ♂, Johto Day 18: On Ice!

After considering my environment, and weighing my options, I have come to the conclusion that I may have, MAY have, taken a wrong turn.  You see, I left Mahogany town all fine and dandy, and sort of lost myself wandering on a route.  Then, before I knew it, I was suddenly in some sort of arctic hell-scape.  I can’t seem to find the exit.  I’ll write more tomorrow.  It’s very cold in here.  Fingers numb.

I hate caves,

Trainer Andrew ♂

Trainer Andrew ♂, Johto Day 17: The Strong and the Week

This whole little adventure of being stalked by an insane killer has been just the most entertaining way to pass a week, but now I really must get back to Goldenrod.  I left my boss, the Name Rater, with the excuse that I wasn’t feeling well, and I expect him to have gotten extremely wary by this point.

Leaving the Fishing Guru’s house (untouched, to my knowledge), I happened upon a strange sight.  There was this boy standing not far from the house in the middle of the grass, just standing there and looking out.  Sure, there are many trainers that do this, but they are usually near others, for company.  But he was all by himself. He was very clearly not there last night, and I couldn’t fathom what he was doing. 

Going up to investigate, I greeted him.  He told me that his name was Wesley, Wesley of Wednesday to be specific.  For some reason he then gave me a “souvenir” (of just what, I’ll never be sure).  It is a nice little black strip of cloth called a Black Belt.  I told him he could keep it, seeing as I don’t have any fighting pokémon, but he wouldn’t respond to my questions.  He simply posed one of his own, wondering if I had met his brothers or sisters, or if I was simply lucky.

Lucky for what?  He was just standing there when I came out.  And why would I have to “find” these people?  Are they in hiding?  Perhaps they are all in peril of some sort.  But then why would he seem so congenial about it all?  What is this a souvenir of!?

I have a lot of questions, but very few answers.  Trekking back to Mahogany Town, I contacted the Jennys, telling them about the strange man.  They told me they would be out tomorrow to investigate.  Hopefully he is still there for questioning. 

Well, I suppose it’s time to head back to Goldenrod City.  Eastward ho!

This Black Belt does make a nice necktie,
Trainer Andrew ♂

Cyan, Johto Day 17: Wow, I Must Have Been Plowed...

Well, I awoke in the strange surroundings of Violet City today… In the nude. I mean, I’ve read every single on of Male’s posts, but I never thought getting so strung out on tails would be a bad idea. Looking through the pictures on my iPokeDexPhone, I must say, I obviously had a fun night… Also, I strangely took a lot of pictures of my Voltorbs and my Bellsprout. It’s strange…

After the embarrassingly nude walk to the Pokemon Center, I realized that I had two new Pokemon. I did not know if I had named them before, so I decided to do so now. HootHoot is now John Paul Jones and Poliwag is now known as Slappy. After realizing I had hurt JPJ so much, I decided to have it healed. While Nurse Joy healed my Pokemon, I had a lot of time (12 seconds) to think. Had I defeated Falkner? When my iPokeDex phone vibrated, I realized this was not the case. I had a call. Quickly answering it, the voice on the other line said that Falkner wished to do epic nude battle with me. Looking down and seeing I was already fit to go into battle, I set off!

Now, Violet City’s Gym is an odd one. There was many birds around. I never got it, but all I could hear was squawking. As a bird catcher approached me, saying I could not fight Falkner until I passed him, I sighed. Pointing at my crotch, I informed him that I had a nude fight to get to and I did not have time for his Taurosshittery. The man begged and finally I gave in.

Sending out James Franco, I destroyed both his birds in an instant. The man told me I was worthy, and I bowed to him and continued to stroll towards Falkner. As I reached him, Falkner grimaced. Obviously, he was not aware that my nudity was overwhelmingly better than his (that or he just realized he broke the law when he accepted my challenge) and he should concede. Either way, we broke out into battle.

Sending out James Franco yet again, I let his Pidgey think that it had a chance. It dodged and tackled, finally irritating James Franco. It burned Pidgey to a crisp, leaving nothing but (grilled) Pidgey breast on the battlefield. After that, Pidgeotto was let loose. I grinned and shook my Voltorbs. This man did not know who he was dealing with! I let Slappy go into glorious battle and ordered that he hypnotize Pidgeotto. It seemed like a good idea. Until Pidgeotto woke up, and beat Slappy to a pulp. Finally, I decided to let JPJ have a go in the bird war. As he put Pidgeotto to sleep, he scratched him right across his eyes. I win.

Pointing towards my Voltorbs, I demanded that I got my badge. Falkner agreed, and gave me the Zephyr badge! Woohoo! I am now a people in this messed up world of foreigners! Now, where did I leave my pants….

Cyan Gitors

Purple, Johto Day 16: The Tale Of How I Beat Up A Tree

Using my impeccable knowledge of everything Johto, I easily navigated myself down from Ecruteak City towards the fork that branches the road between Violet City and Goldenrod. Fun Fact: I know the geography of Johto better than Kanto (I don't remember where I lived there). Granted, the fork in the road is only a very small Route away (I would give you the actual measurement in Squares, but I don't want to embarrass you with my skills), but I know so much about Johto it hurts.

Alas! Upon coming to the fork, it appeared a tricky tree had taken root smack dab in the middle, blocking the path! And for some odd reason I couldn't CUT it (none of my pokemon know CUT, but I have a pretty nice knife (Had actually, the tree broke it (I hate you Tree)))! So I did the only logical thing: Climbed over the tree and made my way towards Goldenrod so I could get the squirt-bottle which would allow me to get rid of the tree (I know that it will work because I know all about Johto). Such a simple plan really.

Along my way I was tackled by the Namerater, who claimed the Pearl H. Arbor was an awful name for my Sunkern and he gave me a name change slip so I could change her name when “I stopped being a dumbass racist who supports bigotry and is a total jerk”. He must be from Sinnoh as no Jot would ever say anything so mean to me, their biggest fan. By the way, it's cool for me to call them Jots because I am so accepting of their culture. Yep.

Once I made my way back to the tree, I doused it with the Squirt-bottle which caused it to attack me! It turned out the devious tree was actually a Sudowoodo! I knew that guys! I know everything about Johto! EVERYTHING.

I had Pearl Mega Drain it until it was incapacitated. I whipped out a pokeball and prepared to catch the beast, but then memories of my childhood flooded in.

“Hey Purple! When I grow up I wanna go to Johto and catch a Sudowoodo and then leave because I hate the place and I am a stupid meany face and my butt smells like a grimer and I am a very small human being.” said my memory of Cyan, which has not become corrupted in any way.

Cyan wants this Sudowoodo. All the more reason to catch it. But then I had a better idea; I took the pokemon and planted it among the trees. He will never find it. Unless he can read. Cyan can't read, can he?

Catch You Later!

Purple Gitimall

P.S: Cyan if you are reading this, I need you to answer a question for me.