Purple, Johto Day 35: The Tale Of How I Defeated The Bug Master

Azalea Gym, the bug specialist gym. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh god, I'm going to kick everyone's ass here, no prob. What the hell is this spider thing? This wasn't here in the Johto's Visitors Guide I read everynight before bed... Well I better give it a shot-

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

IT'S TAKING ME AROUND THE ROOM. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. DO NOT LIKE AT ALL.

Sorry you had to see hear read that, it was very traumatizing for me. Well I think I understand how this spider-cart thing works now so I'll give it another shot-

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I STILL DO NOT LIKE THIS.

Man, I threw up my lunch. I don't have enough money to get new food, so I suppose my only option is to eat it again. It was so much effort to eat that a first time and now I have to do it again! Life is hard for me.

“Oh Celebi man, have some decency! Please stop eating your puke! Oh come on, I am not allowed to move from this spot on my honor as a Gym Leader! I WANT TO LOOK AWAY BUT I CANNOT!”
Upon looking up I saw the most beautiful girl I had ever seen (aside from those Gardevoirs, meow (that's actually very creepy, I retract that statement)), and instantly recognized who she was; She was Bugsy, the Azalea Gym Leader!

“I love you Pretty Lady Girl, may I perform sex upon you?” I asked while putting on the smoulder.

“Dude, I have a penis like you. I don't swing that way. Are we going to battle or not?” replied Bugsy, trying to be hard to get.

Ohohohoho, I see what's going on, she is one of Johto's coveted Girls who have Penises. If I want to perform the sex, I must prove my dominance in a Pokemon Match! Truly, the mating rituals of Johto are amazing.

I sent out Pearl the Sunflora and ordered her to start charging a Solarbeam, so I could defeat her entire team in a single attack. As it turns out, things do not work that way because her Scyther X-Scissor'd Pearl to death. Or fainting. Like I've said before, they're quite similar.

I reached for my belt and sent out Giggles the Quagsire. After I murdered King Steven Bradley, I figured I would need a new water Pokemon and Giggles seemed pretty happy about joining my team. I have high hope for Giggles!

Fun fact: Giggles typing (Water/Ground) makes him immune to electric attacks! But in return, he has a 4 times weakness to Grass. It turns out, Bugsy knows how typing works as she had Scyther trip Giggles, and with the Gym floor being covered in grass, Giggles was defeated instantly.

I would not take this! Pearls and Giggles are beautiful Pokemon from the Land of the Rising Solrock! THE GREATEST REGION EVER CREATED! I will not allow my lust for this girl (who needs to stop claiming to be male, it's a giant turn off) to distract me from kicking her ass! It's time to enact the plan!

Sending out Koff Koff, I issued the command:

“Koff Koff use Autotomize!”

“Hold up dude”, said Bugsy, “that is a Steel move, intended for Steel type Pokemon and a few select others. I don't think Weezing can learn it. Plus, that move makes a Pokemon shed useless parts of it's body! What useless part is there on a Weezing?”

“Uhhhhhhhhh.”
Despite this, Koff Koff followed the command. He struggled with all of his might and with a mighty plop, his second head fell off.

“Congratulations, dumbass. Your KOFF KOFF unevolved into KOFFING!” chuckled Bugsy.

I was so mad. Not at Koff Koff, it wasn't his fault. At this Bugsy girl. She had put me through much pain and agner that I couldn't take it anymore. I flipped in the air, landing in a handstand position and released a Hyperbeam from my mouth and a Bubblebeam from my butt that supplemented the power of the Hyperbeam (by popping on contact the energy from the beam) which destroyed her Scyther in one hit. Bugsy was at a loss to comprehend what had just happened, but I was able to snap her back to reality by unzipping my pants and speaking the following:

“Ha! I have brought down your Scyther! Send out your next Pokemon!”

“Naw man, the rest of my Pokemon suck. Just take the Hive Badge and get out.”

And then I deflowered Bugsy. Sex is different than what I thought it was, alot more biting (on Bugsy's part (it's like she didn't want to have it!) and crying (on both of our parts, I just loved her so much!). I think I'll avoid it from now on.

Catch You Later!

Purple Gitimall, Pokemon Trainer Vitorious

P.S: If anybody needs me, I am hiding out in Ilex Forest. For some reason the Jennys are mad at me. They said something about “Sexual Assualt' charges. People have sex with Girls with Penises all the time after beating them in a Pokemon Battle in Anime! These Jennys are sooooo Kanto.