Purple, Day 11: You, Me, and The Sea.

I didn't do much today. All I did was, not a big deal mind you, biked through the ARCEUSDAMN OCEAN.

Yup.

On my way I was attacked by the army of the ocean. The Marines if you will. There were Tentacool, Sharpedo, and Qwilfish. They were led by the King Tentacruel. I was out numbered 127 to 4. I think the odds were in my favor.

I sent out Pokey, him being my own personal master of the sea, to take on this force. They stabbed, bit, and poked him into comatose. Hopefully the pokemon center will fix him, if not I'm getting my Squirtle back. So then I sent out Koff Koff to smoke him out. I do not know what attacks a Weezing can do. Uhhh... Sludge Bomb?

Cool it was an attack! It shot a poison ball of death at the water! That took care of the Sharpedo, but the others were poison type so it didn't work. Uhhh.... Thunderbolt? By the hammer of Raikou! My Koff Koff turned into an Electric type when he evolved! They were all dead. All of them. Maybe that is a bit of exaggeration. They were all dead, except one. The Kingacruel.

I told Koff Koff to Thunderbolt again but he wasn't paying attention. I forgot that we were equals and that I should ask him nicely to attack our enemies. Just then this orange beam (it was a very Hyper Beam!) fired out of the water, knocking Koff Koff out of the air. That tears it, you are dead.

I sent out The Scrambler and even before I could order my solider to end him, he fell into the water crushing the Kingacruel. I win! I dropped a pokeball and allowed it to sink down to capture the Kingacruel. I didn't want it. No! I had to capture this infidel and force him to spend the rest of his days stuck in the computer system.

I then noticed an island out of the corner of my eye! It wasn't far, maybe 7 or so squares away (it is the system of measurement in Kanto)! I made it to Cinnabar Island! I then collapsed from exhaustion. I woke up in the back room of the Cinnabar Poke Center. My life had been saved by Blaine. I hope he didn't feel my penis when he brought me in....

or rape me.

Catch You Later.

Purple Gitimall

Cool Trainer Andrew ♂, Day 11: A Dish Best Served Cold

Before I begin about my adventures today, I’d like to get something out of the way first.  When did it become the fashionable thing to beat upon Cool Trainers such as myself?  Ever since Cyan’s outrageous remarks, it seems that everyone is set to prattle on about the ineptness of either myself or my family.  Stop it already!  If this continues, I will be forced to write a strongly worded letter to each of you, formally requesting you cease all actions against me.

Now that that’s done… I had the most wonderful day!  Picking myself up from the slump losing had put me in, I set out along route 16 and towards Celadon City.  Seeing the great advantage that having more pokémon could give me, I went about trying to find a suitable companion for my journey.  There was a wide variety hiding in the grass.  Spearows, Rattatas, and a few Doduos.  I’m not sure what it is, but I really like these pokémon.  They all seem so… normal.

Anyhow, I managed to find a smart looking Fearow near a tree, and I sent Lickitung out after it.  Brick break didn’t even scratch the thing, and Lickitung had to move quickly to dodge the barrage of pecking that followed.  Remembering my studies, I had her use Blizzard.  Before the thing could faint, I whipped a pokéball at it.  That’s right, this Cool Trainer now has TWO whole pokémon!  Things are starting to look up for a change!

Advancing further, I came upon an odd little house, buried near the woods.  Stepping inside without asking (a trainer tradition), I found two odd old men.  They were brothers, and the older fellow told me he would teach me a trendy new word:

Artery.

Well, if that’s what all the kids are saying nowadays, then I’ve no choice but to comply.  I artery’d out of there, intent to get to Celadon City before nightfall.  

Celadon is a beautiful place, the tall skyscrapers reaching to the clouds like metal titans, standing their guard against the hubbub and bustle of the streets below.  Now, my plan has been to gain employment at the local gym, and wait there for Cyan to show up.  Sadly, as it turns out, the gym doesn’t permit males within its doors.  Sexist whelps!

It’s getting to be very late, so I’ll have to continue plotting my revenge tomorrow.  For now, I think I’ll curl up with a warm coffee and dive into one of my favorite works: Of Rattatas and Men.

Artery!
Cool Trainer Andrew♂

Pink, Day 11: DEEPER!

The voices grew louder as I approached a room and went inside.  The sounds came from directly below me and I pressed my ear to the floor to hear them.  From what I can remember... it went like this:

A Nurse Joy: "...yes indeed, we had a very nice time today.  I feel as if I have had too much cake.  Too much indeed."

An Officer Jenny: "I am glad it all went well.   The leftovers can go and feed our Growlithes.  I am sure they will be happy."

A Nurse Joy (not sure if it was the same one): "Now now, ladies, I have some news for you all."

There was much commotion then silence.

That Nurse Joy continued: "Firstly, I am delighted to announce that those two eggs we were worried about have both hatched well.  We now have an extra Growlithe and a Chansey to add to our teams."

There was a positive shared murmur of confirmation.

The same Nurse Joy spoke again when silence took the room once more: "Secondly, it grieves me to announce that a Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny have died today.  Jenny Saffron and Nurse Joy Celadon.  These two people were last seen together earlier today and found an hour ago.  It can only be assumed that their attacker killed both at the same time.  We have covered up the murder and told their respective Mayors that the women have both gone into early retirement.  It has fit well with the festival timing, so we will not have to publicly reveal this information.  Instead, we can get the attackers ourselves and deal with them personally and ruthlessly.  That being said, we are now two staff members short.  Tonight, we are able to gain one replacement.  Here we have a Drowzee for the procedure and a Ditto as well."

A Jenny said: "Where is the candidate?"

The Nurse Joy happily replied: "She is right above us, listening to our conversation."

I was horrified.  They were talking about me.  About making me one of them.  No... no... no, this could not happen, this would not bloody happen to me.  Bloody freaks.  I stepped up, ready to throw my Pokémon out... and... collapsed.

--

I awoke to find myself tied to a chair.  Tied to another bloody chair.  Of all the bloody things to happen!  My hands, feet, arms, legs and head were all tied up.  I couldn't move an inch.  I was well and truly caught.  I had no idea where my Pokémon were, and I doubted I could get to my cellphone... since there were now ten Nurse Joys and ten Officer Jennys all staring at me.  I looked down (as far as my eyes would bloody managed... it bloody hurt being tied up like this) and I saw a glass cup and a painted red Pokéball sign spread across the tabletop.

The Nurse Joys and Jennys began to chant:

"Accipias et animæ comedet eos!  Accipias et praesta animæ insignis virtute!  Accipias animæ sanguinem et benedic hoc!  Accipias animæ atque unum facias!"

Two Chanseys helped the Drowzee onto the table and made sure it was sprawled out in a star shape onto the painted Pokéball.  Two more Chanseys entered the room with a cushion that had a Ditto on it.  The Ditto was... dead and bloody... and in a literal sense, not an "oh bloody hell" sense, well that too but... well you understand.  Maybe.

The chanting continued and one of the Nurse Joys stood up and picked the glass cup up from the table that was before me.  She held it up to inspect it, then seeming happy, she suddenly chanted: "Paint the ball, cut the Pokémon!  Paint the ball, cut the Pokémon!"

She pulled out a knife and stabbed Drowzee.  The wound drained blood into the glass, lots of it, almost filling it to the top, and then the glass was put to the dead Ditto.  Blood dripped from its cuts and gaping holes into the glass.  The Nurse Joy swirled the mixture around and then held it up, the chanting getting more intense as she did so.  And then silence.  Each Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny stared right at me.  The glass was pressed to my lips.  I tried to move my head, to avoid drinking it.  Perhaps Purple could help me, maybe Andrew had followed me... maybe that friend of Purple's... Cyan... no... not even my Uncle Gio could help me now.

The Nurse Joy saw that I resisted and so forced it into my mouth.  I stared in horror as the awful thick liquid slithered down my throat.  I could do nothing but cry and gurgle screams.

--

I awoke once again and was right back in the room where I had heard the voices coming from below.  Wooper was still casting Mist about me.  The Pokémon looked really tired yet still held some of its merriness as it plodded along dancing happily but slowly.  I sensed the area was brighter than before and I realised of course... it must be near morning!  Bloody hell, what the bloody heck had just happened.  It had happened, I was sure of it... sure... It couldn't have been a dream.  No, I was sure it had happened.  I could remember drinking the blood, of having it forced down me against my will.  I could still feel the rope on my limbs.

What the bloody hell had just happened?  Confused, I headed back to the way I had entered.  If anything, I wanted to be out of here.  I used Gastly to get out (he seemed to be back to his usual mood now) and after I achieved a long distance away from the Pokémon Center, I allowed Wooper to have a rest in its Pokéball.  I soon found the bench I had rested on yesterday.  I felt tired... scared... confused...

Did it happen?  It couldn't have been a dream.  Perhaps the Drowzee had messed with my mind to make me think I was crazy, to cover up the Nurse Joys' real intentions, but was the Drowzee still alive?  Had I imagined it being sacrificed?  What really happened?

Not knowing what else to do, I took my time to rest and get my senses back in order.  After a little while sitting, I found I could think clearer, breath easier.  Maybe it was just a dream, a cruel prank.

But then I noticed two drops of blood on my coat.

Keep on... keep on...

Pink McQueen

Cyan, Day 11: The Invention of Wandering

By word of mouth (the sign outside of the gym), I learned that the next Gym Leader was Lt. Surge. He was a ruthless man, one that had been through many a battle and was destructive towards his fellow man… Although he was good looking, remorseful, (I don’t actually believe this, it’s just all on the sign) and bubbling with raw, electric energy, he had a weakness (What? The sign stops there!)

Now, according to Poke history (the pamphlets that they hand out at the Pokemon Center that also is advertising Poketology [it says that giant Mewtwos are in the sky, waiting to take us all to a planet of ultimate understanding. Good Lugia, that’s a bunch of hogwash!],) Lt. Surge had been a commanding officer in the Second World Pokemon War, where he used his Raichu to take out Adolf Chanzi (a Chansey Dictator), saving all the Clafairies of the world from his ethnic cleansing. Now don’t get me wrong, I think that Chansey is much more badass than Clafairy, but am glad that we won the war (I didn’t want to be working in a Pokemon Center all my life.)

Walking in, I had barely a smile on my face. I needed to do this. For the Mother Sea, HEIL CHANSEY! I let loose Charmeleon, murderous rage and all, and started into the gym. The first trainer ripped it apart in under a minute (I really should start going to the Pokemon Center before battles…) So, my Dugtrio (I am way too lazy to keep typing his good name) went out. It hid underground (where did my Dig TM go?) and Magnemite repeatedly shocked it’s wonder hole. Although, something weird kept happening. Whenever this piece of magnetic crap fired, the bolt was stopped at the ground. Why was this happening!? Dugtrio didn’t have some special power which allowed him to dig and stop thunder. He wasn’t Lugia.

The short end of the story is, I got to Lt. Surge with very little effort (apparently when Pokemon can’t do their move set anymore, they make the trainer unable to battle. Weird!) Also, Dugtrio has yet to take a single hit! I don’t know what’s going on. On top of that, I haven’t seen him since he went underground the last time. So, Lt. Surge and I started our battle. I waited for Dugtrio, but he never revealed himself! So, out went the veteran’s Voltorb. I was about to send out my Charmeleon but then Dugtrio finally showed himself! Up he went and up went Voltorb as well.

I made a Pokemon explode today.

Second was Pikachu. Dugtrio stood there and took attacks from Pikachu until it fainted due to exhaustion (and I’m guessing confusion as to my super Dugtrio.) Last, Raichu. It was the only one able to take down Dugtrio (even though it took seven hundred hits.) So, Charmeleon burnt the Poke-stuffing out of him.

Cool Trainers, take this. Three badges.

Cyan Gitors

Pink, Day 10 Part 3: The Nurse Joy Conspiracy.

I waited for a long while to make sure the festival was over and everyone had left.  It was getting dark and I could even make out a few stars in the sky.  I tried ringing my Uncle Gio once more but to no avail this time.  It was just a dead tone.  I was more worried than ever now.

With my new Wooper stood beside me, rolling on the floor like an idiot, I felt I was ready for the task at hand.  My plan was to sneak around the outside of the building, scouting around the walls to the rooms the Nurse Joys would be staying in as the night wore on.  The Mist ability would make it harder for them to notice I was peering through the window, and my dark coat, sunglasses and hat would help hide my features.  I was invisible.  Perhaps binoculars would be better for this, maybe.  Never mind.

Anyways, I made sure there was no one about before heading close to the Pokémon Center.  I crawled on the ground to make it harder for people to spot me, and whenever I heard a sound, I stopped moving.  When silent, I moved swiftly and carefully to the building, and got close to under a windowsill.  Slowly, I went onto my knees and peered over into the house and saw them.

There were 21 chairs all around an oval table in a wide room, dimly lit by candles.  Chanseys were nowhere to be seen, in fact the only Pokémon I could see was a Drowzee in the corner of the room.  Sat on ten chairs each were Nurse Joys and Officer Jennys.  The 21st chair was left empty.  But why, I couldn't guess at this point.

I ducked down, careful not to be spotted.  This would be harder than I had first envisioned.  After a few moments, I got the courage to look into the room once more... and found curtains closed.  Bloody curtains.  Foiled by two bloody curtains... two BLOODY CURTAINS!

Outraged by my foolish defeat, I looked around for a door.  As I did, I heard a sound, a footstep.  I was sure.  I surveyed my surroundings and found it was Whooper following me.  The little Pokémon didn't seem to care that I was trying to be quiet and that he should do the same.

Creak.

Quickly, I ordered my Whooper to use its (him or her, I couldn't bloody tell...) Mist ability.  It complied and I grabbed onto its small paw and got wrapped in a chilly cloud.  Was I really invisible?  Could someone see the cloud?

None other than a Chansey had stepped out of the Pokémon Center.  At first, I was relieved... but then I saw its face... it was evil... and its eyes darted everywhere, scanning the area for an intruder.  How could such a nice nurtured Pokémon be so... soldier-like?

Bang.

The door closed after the Chansey had returned to the Pokémon Center and I breathed a sigh of relief.  Bloody thing... grrr... this would be tougher than I had thought.  Still, with no way to look into the room... I had to find another way of spying on them.  I pondered on the idea that I could pretend I had injured Pokémon that needed healing but then they might catch onto my scheme.  No, I needed to get in unnoticed... but how?  The roof!  There was an open window amongst the roof tiles and it seemed my only way in... unless I tried the door.  I might be able to take care of one Chansey, yet I suspected there would be more inside... waiting.

With the help of Gastly, I hovered up along with Wooper, who continued to maintain the Mist ability.  Together, we got to the window.  I looked inside but it was dark and I could barely see anything.  Should I go in or should I turn back?  Turning back was not an option.  I had to enter, and enter I did.  Quietly, I settled down into the room.  The door nearby was ajar slightly, enough so I could inspect the building beyond the door.  It was dark there too.

Gastly started to laugh and quickly, I had to hit him over the head to shut him up.  What had set him off?  There was nothing else up here.  Wary, I put Gastly back into his Pokéball and decided not to bring him out again unless I was certain I needed him.

As quietly as I could, I crawled to the door and opened it as far as I needed to get through.  Wooper walked behind me in ignorant bliss.  I almost wanted to hit it too, maybe throw it out of the window.  No no, I needed it... I even bloody ordered it from online.

I grew cold due to the mist but I felt safer than I would be going through this area without it.  After a little while, I started to hear voices.  I moved closer to hear them.

Keep on being stealthy my friends.

Pink McQueen

Purple, Day 10: I am so COOL.

Sorry I didn't make a post yesterday, I was working with Nurse Joy to help my poor Koff Koff, but I have fantastic news! After the antidote neutralized the poison in Koff Koff, we were able to give him a poison transplant and his body has started to produce this new poison which he isn't allergic too! Also the poison was a much higher grade and it supercharged my Koff Koff forcing evolution (I'm not too sure how I felt about evolution before being a firm believer in Arceanity but I guess I'll just incorporate it in somehow)! Koff Koff is a Weezing now! I guess I should rename him Weez Weez... naw sounds stupid. He will forever be Koff Koff! I love you Koff Koff!

I was pretty hungry seeing as I didn't get to eat much yesterday (I managed to sneak a bite of The Scrambler's leaves when he hasn't looking (IT TASTES REALLY BAD)), so I figured I would drop by my old house and grab something out of the fridge. The place was pitch black and smelled bad. Geez Mom, I've been gone a week. I walked up to the fridge and WALAH! One of Mom's special “I taste alright enough for the time being” sandwiches was there! They taste sooooo okay! I love them!

I turned on the lights so I could feel neutral about my meal in peace, when I saw Mom. She was on the table asleep. Silly Mom. She even spilled a load of red liquid all over the table as well. Probably had one of her famous “Red Liquid Parties” last night. After I finished my sandwich I asked her to make me another. She didn't reply. So I asked again in a slightly more obnoxious tone. I did this for 15 minutes. It turns out Mom was just a little bit not alive at the moment. I gave her a hug and told her to get well soon (I was a little worried because we have a family history of dying soon after we stop living, but I figured she would be fine as Moms are near invincible).

I wondered over to the oldman's house with the little pond in front of it to make fun of him. He has been trapped over there since I was a little kid. He always stood in the same spot so I figured he might be a fan of getting made fun of as he never responded or even acknowledged my insults. That's when I saw Pink heading towards Cycling Road! I figured I would catch up with her when a Squirtle popped out of the pond!

I love Turtles. I had to have this Squirtle. I broke out my net and trapped the little bastard! Now that I had him where I wanted him I mercilessly beat him with my great ball until he was captured. I laugh at everyone who wasted there time going to the Trainer School. I didn't have a single day of lessons yet I'm catching pokemon like a champ. Surely I am the Best, like no ever was! Don't worry, I''m not a fan of that soap opera. I just like the opening song.

In my pursuit of Pink I came across a trainer who said he had seen me catch Squirtle and said he would take it off my hands for his super rare Slowpoke! Oh man! Both super, and rare?! I had to make this deal. I will call him Pokey! Goodbye Squirtle, it was fun!

I hopped on my bike I snagged from the neighbor's house (they stole it from me when I was 14, so its cool) and raced on down Cycling Road so I could get caught up with Pink. There she is! Just then I saw Cool Trainer Andrew ♂ (whom appeared to be Cool Biker Trainer Andrew ♂ now), and he challenged Pink to a pokemon battle! In that moment I was overtaken by the sheer awesomeness of the situation and stood up on my bike, leaned back and let out a roar. “He is going to battle on his bike?! EXTREME!”

SMASH! PLOP! SPLOOSH!

I hit the guard rail and went over Cycling Road. I think I passed out because it is much later in the day. I'm still on my bike and Pokey served as a good table while I typed this up on my pokegear. I guess I'll bike through the ocean to the nearest town. I am so fucking cool.

Catch You Later,

Purple Gitimall

Cool Biker Trainer Andrew ♂, Day 10: The Reckoning

It had all started so well.  I had been riding up and down Cycling Road for most of the day, hoping to run into another trainer.  None of the other Bikers would fight me, all of them turning their noses at my presence.   

Waiting around for a while and riding around in a circle, I quickly grew bored.  Clearly I would have to go elsewhere to train. 

In the early hours of the morning, I decided to take the route north, all I passed were more Bikers; a bunch of ignoramuses if you ask me.

And there she was, that succubus, standing there and looking troubled.  I recognized her as my companion Pink, from the blog.

“Wonderful!” I thought to myself, “My first battle will be with an acquaintance.”

I challenged her to a battle, and I was filled with unbridled enthusiasm at getting to finally have a

Pokémon battle!

At that, I noticed Purple riding at full speed towards the two of us.  Shouting some nonsense about it being “extreme” or something, he fell into the waters below.  Quite concerned, I wondered if we shouldn’t help him.  Pink, pretty cold heartedly, denied helping him, instead turning our attentions to the battle at hand.  I suppose she does know him much better than me, so I banished him from my mind.

…

Despite my best efforts, it seems that having more than one pokémon is more of an asset than I’d previously thought.

Lickitung fought beautifully at first, downing her Ghastly with a well-placed blizzard.  She then sent out Machamp.  Again, Lickitung did her best, but fell before the mighty beast.

She stole my bike as well.

I cried for a long time, my tears soaking the cold pavement as my breath began ragged and my head throbbed.  My very first battle was a failure.  How could I go defeat Cyan if I couldn’t even defeat the likes of some insane whelp!?  Lickitung came over to me, and I held her close as I sobbed onto her rubbery, pink skin.  She kept me warm all of today, and I felt her heart beating with mine in perfect unison.  Our bodies intertwined in a beautiful manner, our eyes glittering with reflections of the same stars.

How do we define love?  Hmm?  How does one know when one is so caught in the throes of passion that one would go against all bounds of society, feigning what some deem ‘right’ or ‘lawful’? 

Be warned Cyan, just because I’ve lost today doesn’t mean I’m giving up!

I suppose I’ve lost my Biker title as well…

Cool Trainer Andrew♂

Pink, Day 10 Part 2: The Nurse Joys.

Getting to Fuchsia City was a pain to be sure and I had to battle several Biker trainers along the way, but I bloody made it... with some bloody time to bloody spare.  I decided to do some bloody training in a nearby bloody field and hopefully my... bloody... oh bloody fuck it, I'm having a bloody rest.

--

So I had a rest, needed one after all that cycling.  While laying back on a bench, I discovered the festival had soon started, and that people were visiting the Pokémon Center to have fun and celebrate their... and bloody heck, they had bloody been around, bloody 141 years... Bloody Pokémon ashes!  Bloody Nurse Joys... bloody unnatural.  I had to find out why.  Why the bloody hell had they been around for so long.  Bloody bloody bloody.  What the bloody heck was I going to bloody do...?

I figured I would throw out all my Pokémon and have a look at them all, also checking them up on the Pokédex for any moves they could learn to help me hide or get around unnoticed.  Growlithe was pretty useless in stealth moves, so was Machamp (hard to hide that thing around), then there was Dratini and as much as I loved it, it didn't know anything that would help.  So I was left with Abra and Gastly.  Surely these Pokémon would know something.  They didn't.  Bloody useless.  Well teleport was good but it would only serve as an escape and I had an escape rope for that.  Still, I guess I would keep it handy for now.

I sat there for a while, pondering, when a tall man came up to me with a box in his hands.

"Pink McQueen?"  Asked the man.  "I am from Magcargo Express."

I looked around for any signs of the police but there was no one about, so I nodded.

The man passed me the box and left.  It was a parcel addressed to me but how the bloody hell had it bloody got to me... and here?  No one knew I was here... did they?  Suddenly, the box started shaking.  I dropped it and took a few steps back.  The box ripped open and out jumped a Wooper.  My Wooper.  The one I had bloody ordered all that time ago.  It had been delivered.  Bloody delivered to me all the way out here.  Now that's bloody service!

My Wooper took one look at me then ran behind the bench.  I went to look for it but it had vanished.  Where had the little thing gone?  A moment later, it showed up behind me.  I spun around and it vanished again, in front of me this time, leaving a cloud of mist.  I opened up my Pokédex to determine what the bloody hell it had just done.  It was Mist, a move that prevented its stats from changing for a while in battle and apparently made it hard to see for a little while too, or something. This Pokédex's batteries were going.

Still, Wooper was perfect.

My Pokédex said my Dratini could learn the move too but that involved me having to rush around to find a shop that would sell the TM.  I was still bloody tired from cycling and battling.  I was NOT going to a bloody shop today.

Now, the thing was... the Wooper wasn't mine until I caught it with a Pokéball and when I did that... I would have to go to the Pokémon Center to switch my Pokémon about.  It was a tough thing but I had to do it if I wanted to figure out this conspiracy surrounding the Nurse Joys.  So after some more rest, and watching Wooper be silly and walk into things, I caught Wooper and headed to the Pokémon Center.  Before I went through the door, I tried ringing my Uncle Gio.  A voice answered but it wasn't Uncle Gio's, it was a very camp man's voice.  The conversation went kinda like this:

"Who is this?"  The camp man demanded.

"Pink... is my Uncle Gio there?"

"Uncle Gio?  I'm sorry but I'm afraid whoever you are calling is not here at the moment, can you please leave a message after the beep?  BEEEEPPPP!"

Laughter followed and I realised that there was more than just one person there.  A woman laughed too and there was a weird man's cranky voice giggling as well.  They seemed to realise they hadn't put the phone down, so they slammed it quickly.  What had happened to my Uncle Gio?

I paused, wondering if it was best to try to find out where my Uncle Gio was, instead of investigating the Nurse Joys.  What if he was hurt or kidnapped or something?  Uncle Gio always talked about his large business that specialised in making Pokémon tougher and it included a lot of technology development too.  He mentioned there were many who found his company intimidating, which often caused problems.  Could the two things be connected, the Nurse Joys and my Uncle Gio's disappearance?

I had to go on.  This was the only bloody place that could answer some questions.  I took a deep breath and stepped through the door to enter the realm of the Nurse Joys.

My jaw dropped.  There were loads of them.  Loads of Nurse Joys.  I had to rub my eyes in case I was bloody seeing things but nope... these Nurse Joys were here.  What in Lugia's bloody name...?  I was scared but I did my best to swallow my fears and briskly walked over to the PC in the corner.  A few heads turned but I ignored them as I swapped Bulbasaur out for Wooper.  The Bulbasaur was certainly handy to have but I needed Wooper's Mist ability.

I saw that Chanseys were everywhere too, one per Nurse Joy, and they all shared a smile on their faces.  They looked... innocent, joyous... happy... but... it was too perfect... too strange.  This... this was an act.  I was sure of it.  Either that or someone had just told the best joke ever, and I was sure I hadn't heard Cool Trainer Andrew ♂ be mentioned.

I walked over to the counter and handed my Pokémon to the Nurse Joy there to heal them.  A few moments later and the machine rang with success and I gained my Pokémon once again.  I did my best to smile and tried to make it not obvious I was inspecting the place.  I even said that the festival was nice.  Bloody nice!  I was the perfect spy.

The Nurse Joy then invited me... invited... me... bloody heck.  After the festival, they were to have a feast and I was allowed to come.  I kindly refused... and stepped away.  What were they thinking?  That I was going to walk into their trap soooo willingly?

Luckily, the Nurse Joy's attention was taken by some people entering the Pokémon Center for the festival.  Soon, food was brought out, leaflets about the Nurse Joys and their services were passed around to everyone, Pokémon and people alike enjoyed their time there, and all celebrated the 141st year of service to the Pokémon world.  There were speeches and much applause.  I stayed for a while and did my best to fit in and pretend I was just another onlooker, happy to enjoy their company and celebrate and praise their work.

I wanted to bloody puke.  But I didn't.  I kept my best behaviour up all day, and there I learned where the feast was to be held and where the Nurse Joys were going to go after the festivities were over.  I gathered as much information as I could.  On the surface, everything seemed absolutely fine.  People were friendly, Nurse Joys were joyful... and Chanseys were charitable.  For anyone else, this was probably a good day.  For me... it was a chance to uncover them for good.  I wasn't sure why I felt so strongly about this.   I mean, they were Nurse Joys, renowned people across the world and yet here I was, sneaking about, gathering information with the guise I was enjoying myself.  No... I could feel it in my gut.  This was important.  There was something going on here.  I wasn't crazy, nope.

The day came to a close and people started leaving.  With the place mapped out in my mind, I left too, planning on coming back later, when things had settled down and when the truth of the Nurse Joys would be revealed.

Keep on being ready people.  I know I am!  Ready to figure this stuff out!

Pink McQueen

Pink, Day 10 Part 1: My secret.

Where the bloody hell was Purple?  He should have been around somewhere, but wherever I went, there was no sign of him.  Perhaps it was for the best.  I had pretty much failed my task anyways...  Oh well, might as well put it here now.

So basically... shortly before I received Gastly, I was called by my Uncle Gio.  He said I had to talk to a young man in Celadon City who went by the name of Purple Gitimall.  According to my Uncle Gio, my parents had been investigating Purple's parents a little while before their snowmobile accident (well it probably wasn't an accident now that I think on it).  Purple's parents used to work for my Uncle Gio's company but they later turned on them to work for another group called Team Missile.  This group was in the process of finding a legendary Pokémon.  My Uncle Gio suspected this Pokémon was Rayquaza.  I wasn't really sure what a Rayquaza was, but he assured me that the legendary Pokémon was almost impossible to catch and it was one of a kind.  Many people would sell their kids (Cool Trainers included - well they aren't worth much actually but that wouldn't stop them) to get their hands on a Pokémon like Rayquaza.

Anyways, Uncle Gio told me he thought that Team Missile was made up of 4 members plus Purple's parents.  The enemy group was said to have caught the legendary Pokémon in a Pokéball (an impossible feat had said Uncle Gio).  The problem was that though Uncle Gio had managed to search the Team Missile base and there were signs of the Rayquaza there (bottles of wine, food, leftovers from parties of success and celebrations, and baths of money), the actual Pokéball that contained Rayquaza was never found.  Recently, Purple's parents were murdered along with the rest of Team Missile.  The culprits are unknown but what Uncle Gio does know is that the Rayquaza was not taken as it had already been posted through the mail... to Purple.

Purple should have had Rayquaza and since he is the last link (as far as Uncle Gio and I know), I have no choice but to keep in contact with him until the Pokémon turns up.

Today however (or rather this morning, since it was like 2am or something), I had a different task to perform.  I needed to get to Fuchsia City and quickly.  The Nurse Joy festival was later today.  I still needed a way to hide from view or something but my primary concern was... a giant sleeping Snorlax sitting in the way of Cycling Road.  Not that I had a bike at this point but I would worry about that afterwards.  This Snorlax was blocking my way and I had to fight it and capture it to progress.  Bloody fat thing in my bloody way!

It took all night to get that fat monster into a small Pokéball (another bloody magic trick thanks to the Nurse Joys I bet) and off it disappeared right to Someone's PC.  My Pokémon were pretty tired but I had no time to run back to the Pokémon Center, the bloody festival was hours away.  I raced through the building that stood before Cycling Road and there was a man in the way.  He said I needed a bike to go onto Cycling Road and that I couldn't in any way go past him.

Machamp probably shouldn't have hit him that hard but if the man was going to try to stop me from going bloody past, I wasn't going to bloody put up with it.

Out on Cycling Road, there were a ton of trainers on bikes around and one was pretty close by with a smug expression.  Upon closer inspection, I surmised he was not just a trainer on a bike, but a "Cool" trainer on a bike.  Cool Biker Trainer Andrew ♂ in actual fact.  Before our challenge began, none other than Purple showed up on a bike.  He looked at Andrew and I, and yelled something (probably about a bloody sandwich knowing him or his beloved Koff Koff), and then crashed into the guard gate (that usually prevents people from falling into the surround water), and fell right into the deep blue, bike as well.

Never mind.

Andrew showed concern about him but I assured the Cool Biker Trainer that the fool would be okay.  I made sure not to mention anything about the Rayquaza.

Andrew and I then battled.  I threw out my Gastly first hoping to put his Lickitung to sleep but unfortunately the Pokémon made my Ghost Pokémon faint (he seemed to be fainting a lot these days) and so I brought out Machamp.

The Lickitung used a powerful Blizzard attack but Machamp wasn't having any of it.  A good attack beat the Pokémon and Andrew looked distraught.  He looked really upset actually.  I looked closer and recognised him as the person who posts on the blog Purple started.  He seemed really sad... but I didn't have time for this, and I had lost time already through having to fight the Snorlax and punching that man who wouldn't move out of the way.

With Andrew now weeping, he really didn't seem to need that bike for now... so I borrowed it and raced away.

I had to get to Fuchsia City as fast as I could!

Keep on bloody racing!

Pink McQueen

Cyan, Day 10: So, I Woke Up in this Dumpster in Vermillion City

So, there I was. A fugitive. A vigilante. A man (are you a man when you’re nine?) with nothing but himself and his Pokemon to trust. I bicycled all the way out of the city and came down to a tunnel. It would not let me enter without removing myself from my bicycle so that’s exactly what I did.

This tunnel seemed strange. It was well lit, and trainers stood there, motionless, all waiting for a shot at me. So, I let loose Charmander. …. Can you say disco inferno? They can’t (they’re badly burned, if you didn’t get the implication… If you didn’t get it you’re really an idiot. Hell, even a Cool Trainer could have gotten that!) I feel that I have gotten more violent ever since my run in with “R-Man”. This is what I have started calling him, seeing as how he wasn’t wearing a name tag at the time.

So, through the Underground tunnel I went, battling no trainers along the way. Why would I have to!? They’re all badly burned! Or so I thought. Then, I saw him. The light- Wait. No. That’s a Bug Maniac. Anyways, I decided to defeat this little snot with fire. So, Charmander had some more bodies to burn.

… Charmander was immediately put to sleep. Apparently, it only starts to get ruthless and blood-thirsty when it turns into a Charmeleon. Although, I’m not to sure if that’s ever going to happen seeing as how it keeps getting incapacitated! I wanted it to evolve, I needed it to evolve. So, I did what a natural born warrior would do in this situation.

I slapped it repeatedly until it woke up. Although, it didn’t wake up right away. It evolved (apparently, PokeEvolution is closely related to violence!) I had my very own Charmeleon! A Charmeleon that was asleep (thanks a lot Bill Darwin….) So, out went the blood thirsty Doduo, although, it wasn’t nearly as murderous. I don’t know why, but Doduo wasn’t picking up on my homicidal tendencies. The Bug Maniac, and his Butterfree, both laughed in my face. Again, went out the slap of fate….

I have a Dodrio now. I screamed at it, but it poked me and went back into it’s ball. I don’t know why it won’t listen to me. I’ll have to look it up in the Pokepedia later. Letting out my Rhyhorn, we crushed the Butterfree!

Rhyhorn and I emerged from that tunnel as men (which is odd, cause Rhyhorn is female) that day, and in to Vermillion City…

Cyan Gitors

PS: If anyone knows this pansy, Cool Trainer Andrew (Andrea? I don‘t know how to pronounce the squiggle), I would like him to know that his challenge is hereby accepted. I will crush that little mother fucker like a bug, and then spit on his face. Wow, I just used my first curse word…. I don’t know how all this murder is sitting with my system… Ah well…

Pink, Day 9: The Grass Gym Leader.

I had a bloody Dratini and I LOVED IT.  It was a beautiful girl Dratini and knew four powerful moves!  Flamethrower, Thunder, Ice Beam and Tackle.  For some reason, when I tried to teach her a fifth move, my PDA (I have one) told me I had to make her forget a move.  What the bloody heck?  Why the bloody hell can she only learn four moves?  Not three, not five, four.  Bloody four.  What in Lugia's bloody name was going on about that?  Probably something to do with the Nurse Joys I bet.  Its always them.

Well today, I finally got some more information about the Nurse Joys.  It was a letter talking about some sort of Nurse Joy festival, a celebration of their long service to the world of Pokémon.  It was scheduled for Sunday at Fuchsia City Pokémon Center, which meant I had to be there.  I needed to find out their secret but I wasn't going to find it if they knew I was there.  But what could I do to shroud my appearance?  Food for thought.  Today however, I was going to fight Erika, the Fourth Gym Leader.  I probably should have been more careful when getting there to avoid attention from the police, and I really shouldn't have given my real name when I got to the Gym.  Why did I do that?

I was granted access no problem.  Guys would have a lot more trouble but us girls were allowed to walk straight in.  They greeted me with drinks and perfumes but I wanted to get right on with the battle.  I wasn't allowed to face Erika right away.  Instead, I had to prove myself by beating her friends first.  It kinda went like this:

Gym Trainer sends out a grass Pokémon.
I send out Growlithe.
Murder, death, burn.

Gym Trainer sends out a grass Pokémon.
I keep out Growlithe.
Murder, death, burn.

Gym Trainer sends out a grass Pokémon.
I keep out Growlithe.
Murder, death, burn.

And so on.

By the end of it, my Growlithe was very tired but he had done more than I could have ever hoped for.  At last, I could fight Erika.  She proved to be a tough trainer.  Her Pokémon made my Pokémon fall asleep, be paralysed, spin around in circles hitting themselves on their heads and suffer poison. My Gastly lasted a short time before fainting, if Ghosts can do that.  I don't get the laws of Pokémon sometimes.  Ghosts should be invincible yet they seem to fall to many attacks easily.  Bloody Ghosts!

Her Victreebel was defeated by a combination of my Abra and Machamp. Abra kinda just stood there and recieved hits and fainted, while Machamp came out and punched Victreebel so hard it crashed into the ceiling and got stuck in the process.  Erika's Tangela did well to trip Machamp up and attack him a lot, since the vine ball was so small and fast to grab.  In the end, Machamp managed to hit the little bloody bastard and knock it out but when Erika pulled out her Vileplume, Machamp was defeated quickly. I still had my bulbasaur but a grass against grass Pokémon seemed silly, so I brought out my Dratini. MY BLOODY DRATINI.  MINE.  WOOT! My Dratini burned that grass thing to blood and bloody ashes, setting fire to plants around the Gym and causing the sprinkler system to turn on. The Gym Trainers ran out to avoid the water and Erika stood and glared at me, getting drenched while she did.  My bloody Dratini rocked!

I earned my first badge and left with a smile on my face... and was greeted by an Officer Jenny. She asked me if I had seen a young woman who went by the name Pink McQueen. I told the freak that Pink McQueen was still inside the Gym and that I was going to get help to put the water out. The Jenny nodded and let me go.  I ran.  BLOODY RAN!  I didn't want to end up in prison again.  This time I might not get out.

I ran for a while and ended up in some alleyway.  While resting on a wall and catching my breath, I realised I wasn't alone.  Surveying the distant beast, I picked up a stone and threw it at the monster.

Suddenly, it got really bright.  I thought somebody had found me so I ran some more, tripping over something a few strides in.  I tried to get up but I was quickly pinned down by the thing I had thrown the rock at.  It peered down at me and licked my face.  Then licked again.  Bloody thing!  With all the strength I could muster (humans don't need the HM for that), I threw the bloody whatever it was off of me then took to running again.  As I went, I heard the creature chase after me, so I turned and threw out my Growlithe.  The creature used a water attack on Growlithe and my Pokémon fell to the floor, panting (I forgot it was tired from the Gym battles... so what?).  Desperate, I looked around to find another rock but couldn't find anything, so instead I did the only thing I could do, I threw a Pokéball at it.  The Pokéball fell to the ground and the creature went inside. Wiggle, wiggle... "Vaporeon was caught!" Said my Pokédex.  "Want to give a nickname to Vaporeon?"

Bloody thing!  I didn't bloody care.

"You selected Bloody.  Your Bloody was sent to Someone's PC."

I put my Growlithe away then went back to running.  I wasn't going to stop until I thought it was safe.  Bloody Officer Jennys!

Keep on watching for the monsters.  They're bloody everywhere.

Pink McQueen

Cool Trainer Andrew ♂, Day 9: A plague on your house!

Sorry about being away these past few days, but I really needed the time to collect myself and do some self-exploration.  In just that short amount of time I’ve learned a lot about myself.  I really have…

But something disturbed me recently, stirring me from me hole in the wall.  

I have been insulted!  I will not put up with this, not for a second!  I just noticed this today (I haven’t touched my computer because of all the brooding I had to do), but it seems that Mr. Cyan Gitors has gone out of his way to slander the good name of all Cool Trainers.

I quote, “I approached it (screw this careful crap, that’s something only a Cool Trainer would do) and to my surprise, an Abra appeared.”

Something only a Cool Trainer would do?  Really?  I’m not sure what you’re implying here, sir, but clearly you know nothing of the Cool Trainer name!  I may not be sure of myself, but I know my own blood, and I will not have my family name tarnished!

But I thank you, Cyan.  I thank you because you’ve given me a new spirit, a new quest.  I no longer care about being the best trainer, I realize that road is not for me.  Instead, I will dedicate myself to facing you in Pokémon fisticuffs!

And don’t think I haven’t been following you.  I know your Pokémon, and I know their secrets.  Digging into the old family vault, I’ve come upon some interesting TMs that my Lickitung has been all-too-keen to learn.

I’ve got some new moves as well.  Hoping to bring me out of my depressed state, my mother gave me a very special gift.  In a way, you could say that I’ve evolved…

Prepare yourself for:

Cool Biker Trainer Andrew ♂!

P.S.
I might be a while getting there.  It’s a bit of a journey.

P.P.S

Sexism.  Really?  What are you, 9?

Cyan, Day 9: Cyan is Evolving! Cyan Evolved into Bike-Master-J!

I took little time to get settled before I left Cerulean City. Before I had to leave, I decided to play investigator and go check out the house that the cops were next to. The Officer Jenny let me in with little interference (this one is a lot nicer than the other ones!), and I was in almost automatically.

The house looked like my old bedroom back home. It was ransacked to the point of destroyed. Walking through, I went to go investigate out in the backyard. Maybe there were clues as to what had happened here (that or the thieves had dropped something that was too heavy to escape with. Like a television, a radio or a port-a-potty.) It appeared that the tracks stopped at a man with an R on his chest. Looking at him, I noticed something.

This was the same shifty looking man who had tricked me into giving up The Ground Crew Featuring Diglett… I had to take him down a peg. It looked as though he did not recognize me for the main fact that he thought I was just some kid and spit at me. The nerve of that man! He should know better than to mess with a child who had been heartless enough to leave his mother and make a living off humiliating others (not really humiliating… Just destroying their reason for living) and taking their money. This man had to know I could not be messed with. So, out went his gift to me… The Doduo…

Now, I don’t want to go into gruesome details, but in the duration of battle, Doduo started to peck so much that it caused me to throw up. He poked in… Places… These places should never be seen by a young impressionable child. On the good scale, I got my Dugtrio back and a TM called “Dig” (I don’t know what it does.) On the flip-side however, I did just kill a man (my prophecy has been fulfilled…..) I stood over the man not knowing what to do… I mean, I had just taken a man’s life! What should I do!? So, I did what any normal person would do…

I pissed my pants, cried and ran the hell out of there.

Panicked. Distraught. A little giddy. All these emotions were things I was experiencing. I needed to get out of the city. I needed wheels! I walked over to the bike shop and snuck inside. Immediately, I was spotted by the salesman. Damn it, I hate when they try to sell you things when you’re not at home. Informing him that I was a fugitive, he offered me what he called, “The Rocket Discount”. One free bicycle. I informed him that I had no idea what a rocket was, but I took the bicycle anyways.

So, now I’m a fugitive, on my way out of Cerulean City. Man, I wish I had someone who was simple enough that I could pin this on…. I wonder what Purple is up to these days? If I can find him, I may be able to blame this on him. Although in the meantime, I must flee! Flee from society!

Cyan Gitors

Purple, Day 8: ITS POISON!

I'm back in Celadon! Pink said we needed disguises so we bought stuff from a clothing store to hide our identies. She bought some girly shit, but I went the extra mile and bought an actual disguise. Trench coat and Crobatman mask. Nobody will know it is me, they'll mistake me for the Winged Crusader.

We then went to the Game Corner, where some old guy stormed out and gave us coin cases. Why do I need a case for my coins? Can I use it for other things, like sandwiches? There wasn't a sandwich in it. My life is moot.

After that life questioning experience we went in and played games using the money in the cases! The slots were cheating bastards (add them to the “To Kill” list)! So after wasting half my money, I decided I was going to win, so I sent out Koff Koff to cover me while I kicked the money out of the machine.

I got kicked out, but I had my coins! It turns out the game coins aren't redeemable for money at the prize center... Lucky for me there was one of those guys with the “R”s on them that offered to give me money for my coins! Hooray for illegal operations!

I now have 11,199 pd! I HAVE ALL THE MONEY! Using my new found wealth I bought every antidote, unfortunately though the shopkeep told me I can only hold 99 of one item. I didn't even have room for that many! So I just kept the one I needed and told the shopkeep to hold them for me. I also bought 2 great balls!

Now its the moment of truth! Go Antidote!

Koff Koff started puking! I rushed over to the pokemon center to get him fixed! Apparently poison type cannot get poisoned, so when you use a antidote on them it cures them of their natural posion and makes them horribly sick. Nurse Joy tells me Koff Koff only has 2 days to live.

Fuck you Joy. If you say it'll live longer, it will! You're a Doctor Godamnit!

Catch You Later.

Purple Gitimall

Cyan, Day 8: Water Against Fire is.... Bad!?

So, with my Pokeknowledge all wrapped up from the previous day, I decided it was finally time to visit the local gym to give that Gym Leader a piece of my mind (not to mention a double dose of burns from Charmander. You know, nothing lethal, just going to write my name in his arm.)

When I walked into the gym, I had two problems with it. First of all, the gym was a giant swimming pool! Who allowed this!? The safety inspector would have had a small series of aneurisms! Second problem, looking at the end, I noticed that who happened to be the leader was, a girl!? Who allowed this!? Last I checked, this was Poke America (Kanto for short), thank you! If we let women be trainers, what’s next!? Letting them vote!? Nonsense! Why should we let the woman do this!? They are fragile creatures, not meant for the heat of battles!

There was a small plank (probably used to be an ironing board for the Gym Leader) to walk across to get to this female atrocity. There was no place to avoid the trainers! The little jerks just swam right up and demanded to fight you! Not even a please! If I’m ever a Gym Leader, I’m going to have to teach my minions some manners (I might even have them call me Jesus. That’s not the name of any major monarchs, right?)

So, after defeating the MANY swimmers (who buys these little rugrats such revealing swimsuits!?), I reached Misty, the Gym Leader of Cerulean City. We bantered for a bit, she told me how much she was going to defeat me, I continually asked her where the kitchen was in this giant pool and we went into epic battle. As she let loose her Staryu I commanded Charmander step forward.

… Now I’m not up to date in today’s hot trends, but I did not know fire was so easily defeated by fish! Staryu destroyed Charmander. The little fish jerk would just not let my beloved fire lizard go until I sent it back. After I did, I went with my ace in the hole! Rhyhorn!

….

I HATE ALL THE FISH IN THE WORLD!

Knowing I was going to be made looking like a fool to the female species, I sent out Doduo. What was the worst thing it could do, make me look like more of a failure than I had already done? That was almost impossible. So, I watched to see what would happen.

Now, I know I have seen a little prejudice to those who are different (naming my Diglett “Major Phallic” and hating everything with more than one head), but dear Lugia, that bird just mauled that fish! Took it to town, bought it a nice meal, and then beat it like a child that’s insecure in their sexuality beats a fat kid! After when Starmie came out, I thought that there might be more of a challenge but I have learned something:

Never underestimate, or piss off a bird with two heads. You will learn to regret it.

Productive day overall, I got to learn about the rage Doduo’s have, I torqued Misty and took half her cash, AND I GOT MY SECOND BADGE! All I need is some food and to be able to get to Vermillion City. I wonder if that securely guarded route is the way to go!

Remember, the woman is not people. She is an object, and don’t you forget it!

Cyan Gitors

PS: Does anybody know how I can get a bike? My running shoes are starting to get dirty.

Pink, Day 8: A lucky day?

It was pretty early when Purple and I got to Celadon City.  There weren't many people out and those that were looked shady and suspicious.  Purple and I fit right in.  We got to a shop and bought some disguises.  I bought a cowgirl hat, a dark coat and a lovely pair of sunglasses.  Also, I spotted a nice pink scarf and added that to my things.  Purple managed to get a Crobatman mask and some sort of trenchcoat.  This made him look more suspicious than he previously was.  Oh well.

Next, we went to the Pokémon center to heal our Pokémon.  There wasn't much the Nurse Joy there could do for the Koffing but the rest of our Pokémon were healed nicely.  I swallowed my rage and suspicion as best as I could while there, and had to scream after leaving to let it all out.

Shortly after, Purple and I got to the Game corner.  There was a man there leaving the place and he looked angry.  He glared at us both and ordered us to take his coin cases, one each.  He left in a rage.  Purple opened his and sighed, hoping for something to eat.  I found a handful of coins.  Moments later, we were both in the Game Corner and we started gambling.  We tried the slot machines first.  Purple used his Koffing to cast a smokescreen across his slot machine, so Purple would be hidden from view while he kicked the machine.  It actually worked for a couple of minutes before he was thrown out and left on the doorstep.

Never mind.

I continued for a long while playing but my luck wasn't with me today and I ran out.  Bloody scamming machines!  I hadn't really lost anything... but the taste of gambling had taken me.  I wanted MORE!  I didn't really have much money and for some reason my Uncle Gio wasn't answering his phone... which is weird as he always answers his phone.  Without any other choices, I sold my Poliwhirl.  The Pokémon wasn't really happy being with me anyway, so this way, he got a good home and I got rid of him.  I'm so nice
sometimes.

Using my newfound 2000 Game Corner coins, I gambled my way on to nearly 4000.  I was going to play more but then I found out the Game Corner coins could only be spent at Game Corner, and they wouldn't let me exchange the Game Corner coins for Pokémon dollars, no matter how many times I bloody threatened them.  Not knowing what else to do I went over to where I could buy something using the Game Corner coins.  They had a Dratini!  A Dratini!  A bloody Dratini!  I bought it as fast as they would let me!

A BLOODY DRATINI!  WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!  I was happy.  I used the remaining coins to buy two Abras and a Clefairy.  So now my team was Machamp, Gastly, Growlithe, Abra, Dratini and Bulbasaur.  The remaining Abra and the Clefairy I got, I had to put in the computer.  I don't know how it worked but apparently it was some magic machine that the Nurse Joys had.  BLOODY NURSE JOYS... I AM GOING TO FIGURE OUT YOUR SECRET AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  All right... maybe a little extreme there but all this stuff surrounding the Nurse Joys is getting to me.

Keep on winning people.

Pink McQueen.

Purple Day 7, My Best Day

So I've been walking around Saffron all day challenging small children to pokemon battles. When I say small children, I do not mean youngsters. I mean preschoolers. For the glory of Koff Koff, I have no shame.

I've been doing pretty good with this strategy so far, as my track record is 3 wins/11 loses! That's 3 battles I won! On top of that, I've only had to flee 4 angry parents! The day was going good, and the sun was still high in the sky (where I hope it will stay unless I am able to harness its incredible power for the sake of justice (and by “justice!” I mean Koff Koff))!

I have also picked up a few items and quite a bit of cash as well! 99 pd motherfucker! I made 99 pd in only 3 days! Hardcore. Most of the items I picked up have been pretty useless thus far but if any shit goes down and somebody gets burned, I got a burn heal. That's right, burn heal. It sells for 250 pd in pokemarts. I am ROLLING in pd!

As I walked by the fateful alleyway where I met Koff Koff, I was ambushed! It wasn't one of my old lackies, it was a wild pokemon (although now looking back at the occasion it may have been sent by one of my underlings from the future who can time travel)! You can only encounter wild pokemon in tall grass, a cave, water, or a creepy/abandonded building! Saffron City isn't any of those things! He was breaking rules held sacred by wild pokemon, I had to teach him a lesson!

I was not going to treat this neer-do-well Exeggcute (I did mention it was an Exeggcute, didn't I? Im sure I did) to the fabulous presence of Koff Koff, so I figured I would fight it myself! So I kicked it in two of its little egg faces. Ow! This thing is so hard it hurt my foot! It must have a defense of like 80 (I'm not exactly sure what that means, but it just sounds right)! Since I was not in tip top condition enough to penetrate its amazing eggy defense with my body, I would need a weapon. Unfortunately I left my mint condition replica of the Hammer of Raikou at home so I would not be able to smash this rebel-rouser with its lightningy justice! So I threw an item at it.

I grabbed a rock out of my bag and chucked it at the Exeggcute. It hit it with a crack (YOLK EVERYWHERE!) and I thought the beast to be defeated! It started to glow! It was going to blow up! I made a pokemon explode! Huzzah! Go me!

It evolved. Into a tree. Eggs grow into trees. I started throwing everything I owned at this monstrosity. I could not allow this fiend to exist. Apparently I had picked up an Ultraball.

I wanted Koff Koff to meet his new friend, so I got on top of The Scrambler ( I have big plans for this guy). It wasn't long before we heard a big explosion and The Scrambler, being the motherfucker he is, ran towards it. It was Pink! She was doing something with a lotta Officer Jennys and a lotta Growlithes.

A lot of shit went down. I wasn't really paying attention so I couldn't tell you what happened (although at one point I told The Scrambler to do Sunny Day, I needed to harness the suns power!)but I had a fantastic sandwhich. Geez what happened to Saffron while I wasn't looking? It got all broked.

Catch You Later.

Purple Gitimall